I wonder who that friend is.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
I heart me(n)
A shirt which reminded me of a friend so much that I had to capture it.
I wonder who that friend is.
I wonder who that friend is.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
O come, O come, Emmanuel
O come, O come, Emmanuel
I’m missing you
I’m waiting for your spell
Without you, my heart will fade
I’ll wither if your love is delayed
Chorus:
Come now, come on, Emmanuel
I’m waiting for your hypnotizing spell
Come now, come on, Emmanuel
I’m waiting for your hypnotizing spell
O come, O come, Adonai
I’m dreaming of your supernatural high
The thought of you is making me shine
Come fill in me with love divine
//Repeat chorus 3x
---
I have been totally enraptured by this mystic remix of the biblical hymn. It's used as one of the theme song in Born Rich, and plays in the scenes of forbidden love between Marcus and Angie.
It's interesting (and some may argue, inappropriate) that a piece about a religious prophesy could be modified thus, so as to fittingly complement the story of an extra-marital love affair.
I’m missing you
I’m waiting for your spell
Without you, my heart will fade
I’ll wither if your love is delayed
Chorus:
Come now, come on, Emmanuel
I’m waiting for your hypnotizing spell
Come now, come on, Emmanuel
I’m waiting for your hypnotizing spell
O come, O come, Adonai
I’m dreaming of your supernatural high
The thought of you is making me shine
Come fill in me with love divine
//Repeat chorus 3x
---
I have been totally enraptured by this mystic remix of the biblical hymn. It's used as one of the theme song in Born Rich, and plays in the scenes of forbidden love between Marcus and Angie.
It's interesting (and some may argue, inappropriate) that a piece about a religious prophesy could be modified thus, so as to fittingly complement the story of an extra-marital love affair.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
To forgive and forget
I used to like asking what-if questions. Now, I like to ponder about them. One such question has been: What if you found out that your partner cheated on you? Instant bye-bye?
As with most things, it depends. This time, however, there's a factor which doesn't usually come to play. It depends on whether others also know about the affair.
If it is a private issue, just between you and your partner, it is much easier to forgive and forget. However, when the word spreads, things start getting complicated.
There are those who argue that a relationship is just between two people, that external opinions shouldn't play any part in decisions. I tend to believe that, although a relationship is indeed centred around two individuals, they are not the only ones affected.
At any rate, relatively widespread knowledge of such an incident could only aggravate the situation. It attracts opinions from people who, though undoubtedly thinking in your best interests, may not fully comprehend your stance.
Suddenly, your decision is also under scrutiny and judgement.
Recent reports claim that Elin Nordegren had always known about Tiger Woods' mistresses, but chose to remain in the marriage. I hope she can still stay true to herself after the media's given their two cents.
As with most things, it depends. This time, however, there's a factor which doesn't usually come to play. It depends on whether others also know about the affair.
If it is a private issue, just between you and your partner, it is much easier to forgive and forget. However, when the word spreads, things start getting complicated.
There are those who argue that a relationship is just between two people, that external opinions shouldn't play any part in decisions. I tend to believe that, although a relationship is indeed centred around two individuals, they are not the only ones affected.
At any rate, relatively widespread knowledge of such an incident could only aggravate the situation. It attracts opinions from people who, though undoubtedly thinking in your best interests, may not fully comprehend your stance.
Suddenly, your decision is also under scrutiny and judgement.
Recent reports claim that Elin Nordegren had always known about Tiger Woods' mistresses, but chose to remain in the marriage. I hope she can still stay true to herself after the media's given their two cents.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Love and loyalty
In the TVB drama Born Rich, Connie expressed an interesting idea in reply to her cheating husband Marcus' assurances of love. She said:
This notion bounced around in my head for a while, as I wondered the degree of truth it held. Was it just another flowery statement to spice up the story? Or was it a concept which could generally be applied the reality?
Loyalty is certainly valued as a virtue. The media's current excitement in revealing a new side of Tiger Woods proves that it is considered a big issue (or, admittedly, simply that the media likes to sensationalise).
Infidelity is by no means laudable, but does it automatically deny the feelings of one who has fallen into temptation?
Like most things, this is not a question answerable in absolute terms. "Cheating" is a broad term which encompasses a wide range of circumstances. Many other factors also contribute. Did it occur once, or often? In what state was the existing relationship? Was there any remorse felt? What are the feelings towards the third party/ies?
Unfaithfulness doesn't necessarily mean a loss of feelings. And by the same argument, strong affection might not ensure fidelity.
Though related, love and loyalty are separate ideas. It is quite possible that they do not co-exist.
女人的愛是跟忠誠掛鉤的which roughly translates as: "For a woman, love is interlocked with loyalty."
This notion bounced around in my head for a while, as I wondered the degree of truth it held. Was it just another flowery statement to spice up the story? Or was it a concept which could generally be applied the reality?
Loyalty is certainly valued as a virtue. The media's current excitement in revealing a new side of Tiger Woods proves that it is considered a big issue (or, admittedly, simply that the media likes to sensationalise).
Infidelity is by no means laudable, but does it automatically deny the feelings of one who has fallen into temptation?
Like most things, this is not a question answerable in absolute terms. "Cheating" is a broad term which encompasses a wide range of circumstances. Many other factors also contribute. Did it occur once, or often? In what state was the existing relationship? Was there any remorse felt? What are the feelings towards the third party/ies?
Unfaithfulness doesn't necessarily mean a loss of feelings. And by the same argument, strong affection might not ensure fidelity.
Though related, love and loyalty are separate ideas. It is quite possible that they do not co-exist.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
The Twilight "Saga"
My weekend sisterly-bonding activity was spent watching the second instalment in the Twilight Saga, "New Moon". The word 'saga' gives me the impression of some epic tale of heroic deeds. I struggle to understand how this story fits the description.
I tried my best to enjoy what I had paid for with no previous bias, but I can't help but conclude that it was an excruciatingly dull way of spending two hours. My sister shared my sentiments.
There is an abundance of Twilight-bashers out there (some more creative than others), and that usually is enough incentive for me to grow fond of something. Quite helpfully, this saga has proven that my strive to be different doesn't entirely impair my judgement and opinions.
I don't intend to offend anyone who does enjoy Ms Meyer's works of fiction. I do know people who find appeal in the story (or at least, in one of its products *cough*E.Cullen*cough*). I respect their tastes. Or perhaps I'm simply too shallow to see the double meaning hidden between the lines.
All I can say is that this is definitely not my first choice of entertainment.
I tried my best to enjoy what I had paid for with no previous bias, but I can't help but conclude that it was an excruciatingly dull way of spending two hours. My sister shared my sentiments.
There is an abundance of Twilight-bashers out there (some more creative than others), and that usually is enough incentive for me to grow fond of something. Quite helpfully, this saga has proven that my strive to be different doesn't entirely impair my judgement and opinions.
I don't intend to offend anyone who does enjoy Ms Meyer's works of fiction. I do know people who find appeal in the story (or at least, in one of its products *cough*E.Cullen*cough*). I respect their tastes. Or perhaps I'm simply too shallow to see the double meaning hidden between the lines.
All I can say is that this is definitely not my first choice of entertainment.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
NaNoWriMo
A friend introduced me to NaNoWriMo, and excited the nerd in me. The idea of completing a 50,000-word piece of fiction in the 30 days of November seemed like a great idea.
In fact, I've signed up for it!
Yes, I know it's December now. Yes, I know there's a full year till the next writing window. And yes, I know I'll either forget or lose interest by then. But right now I'm pumped!
I also know that it'll be extremely difficult. At least for me. It's funny, because when I was a young kid, all I did was write, write, write. I loved writing, and I churned out pages and pages of this and that. It felt easy, too. Ideas just flowed through the pen and onto paper.
Then, gradually, as I grew up, my creativity waned. Suddenly, it was a struggle to put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard). No longer did I have brilliance brewing in my mind, fighting to be born through my penmanship. All the writing I ever did was the mandatory papers for school, and those times were often dominated with doses of writer's block.
Fingers crossed, that'll change. With any luck, the deadline, the challenge and the embarrassment should I fail to complete my task will motivate me to deliver 50,000 words of solid gold.
Fingers crossed.
In fact, I've signed up for it!
Yes, I know it's December now. Yes, I know there's a full year till the next writing window. And yes, I know I'll either forget or lose interest by then. But right now I'm pumped!
I also know that it'll be extremely difficult. At least for me. It's funny, because when I was a young kid, all I did was write, write, write. I loved writing, and I churned out pages and pages of this and that. It felt easy, too. Ideas just flowed through the pen and onto paper.
Then, gradually, as I grew up, my creativity waned. Suddenly, it was a struggle to put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard). No longer did I have brilliance brewing in my mind, fighting to be born through my penmanship. All the writing I ever did was the mandatory papers for school, and those times were often dominated with doses of writer's block.
Fingers crossed, that'll change. With any luck, the deadline, the challenge and the embarrassment should I fail to complete my task will motivate me to deliver 50,000 words of solid gold.
Fingers crossed.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
"The Lost Symbol" Dan Brown
[Warning: Here be spoilers]
Uni holidays has allowed me to wear down the reading list I had accumulated. One I've just managed to tick off was Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol.
I quite enjoyed the read. I was scoffed at by someone for liking trashing literature, but this was the same guy who wanted to and did read Twilight, so it's not like I will take his literary opinion to heart.
I must admit, though, that Brown does not express himself in the most elegant manner. However, it wasn't his style of writing which appealed to me, but rather, the ideas he was putting forth. I felt that they resonated with a set of beliefs that I myself held, albeit unknowingly.
Brown takes Robert Langdon on a quest to discover the teachings of the Masons. Rather than being under the mercy of a higher being, humans are the ones who possessed divine powers. The human mind hold immense capabilities, even to the extent of performing what we call miracles. If one could learn to concentrate and pit one's mind to the matter, one could achieve the physically impossible.
This is what Brown's novel proposed, and this is what I had believed for some time.
From my perspective, the abilities of the human mind far outreaches what is scientifically accepted. I do believe it is capable of physical manipulation and influencing external events. When I try to will things to work, I imagine these streams or waves of energy flowing from my head to the objects. Call me weird, but I think it helps.
In the novel, Katherine Solomon used Noetic science to support this belief. It seems like an interesting thing for me to look into.
Uni holidays has allowed me to wear down the reading list I had accumulated. One I've just managed to tick off was Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol.
I quite enjoyed the read. I was scoffed at by someone for liking trashing literature, but this was the same guy who wanted to and did read Twilight, so it's not like I will take his literary opinion to heart.
I must admit, though, that Brown does not express himself in the most elegant manner. However, it wasn't his style of writing which appealed to me, but rather, the ideas he was putting forth. I felt that they resonated with a set of beliefs that I myself held, albeit unknowingly.
Brown takes Robert Langdon on a quest to discover the teachings of the Masons. Rather than being under the mercy of a higher being, humans are the ones who possessed divine powers. The human mind hold immense capabilities, even to the extent of performing what we call miracles. If one could learn to concentrate and pit one's mind to the matter, one could achieve the physically impossible.
This is what Brown's novel proposed, and this is what I had believed for some time.
From my perspective, the abilities of the human mind far outreaches what is scientifically accepted. I do believe it is capable of physical manipulation and influencing external events. When I try to will things to work, I imagine these streams or waves of energy flowing from my head to the objects. Call me weird, but I think it helps.
In the novel, Katherine Solomon used Noetic science to support this belief. It seems like an interesting thing for me to look into.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
(500) Days of Summer
(500) Days of Summer is a special movie. It's non-linearity, the soft colour scheme, the mockumentary clips -- all made this film stay a bit longer in my mind. Perhaps what occupied my thoughts the most, though, was the message that it sent.
Tom used to believe in destiny. He believed that one day he would meet "the one". He thought he found it in Summer. Unfortunately, Summer didn't feel the same way, so Tom had to accept that and move on.
Towards the end of the movie, the narrator said:
"Coincidence. That's all anything ever is. Nothing more than coincidence. Tom had finally learnt there are no miracles. There's no such thing as fate. Nothing is meant to be."
The term "coincidence" struck a chord with me. Indeed, it plays such a significant role in relationships. But this doesn't necessarily mean that fate and destiny don't exist.
It's not easy for a relationship to work out. It takes two individual beings aligning him/herself with the other, despite inevitable differences in thought and in attitudes. It requires accommodating for the other aspects of both lives. It demands immaculate timing and an opportune moment.
Not only do you need a coincidence of hearts, but also a coincidence of minds.
And what are the chances of that occurring? How likely is it for a person to find someone with whom all this can happen? What else could it be, but Fate's blessing?
So it is true that it all comes down to coincidence. But it is Destiny who brings this requisite factor upon us. Sometimes we have to bend at the mercy of Fate, yet at the same time, we have to seize the opportunities it bestows upon us.
What Tom had to learn was not that there was no such thing as fate. Fate had simply presented her gift for him in someone else.
It was time for Autumn to begin.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Dumplings
In a desperate attempt to avoid studying, I resorted to one of my favourite pastimes - wrapping dumplings!
It has taken me many years to master the method that my mum has taught me. Looking at the dumplings, I was reminded of one of mum's attitudes, which I find myself to have adopted.
Many people labour away for minute details. They expend copious amounts of time and effort to fine tune their work. Unfortunately, the final product often displays diminishing returns. In the end, you have to make a choice between efficiency and perfection.
Jen once taught me another method of wrapping dumplings:
It is no doubt prettier and more dainty, but it's fiddly and takes twice the time. Maybe some would think it's worth it. But mum generally, after ensuring a base level of quality, focuses on improving efficiency. In fact, I've picked up a lot of shortcut cooking tips from her.
So, after wrapping 30-odd dumplings the quick way, into the frying pan they go.
And voila -- a scrumptious meal.
It has taken me many years to master the method that my mum has taught me. Looking at the dumplings, I was reminded of one of mum's attitudes, which I find myself to have adopted.
Many people labour away for minute details. They expend copious amounts of time and effort to fine tune their work. Unfortunately, the final product often displays diminishing returns. In the end, you have to make a choice between efficiency and perfection.
Jen once taught me another method of wrapping dumplings:
It is no doubt prettier and more dainty, but it's fiddly and takes twice the time. Maybe some would think it's worth it. But mum generally, after ensuring a base level of quality, focuses on improving efficiency. In fact, I've picked up a lot of shortcut cooking tips from her.
So, after wrapping 30-odd dumplings the quick way, into the frying pan they go.
And voila -- a scrumptious meal.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
"I don't believe you" Pink
I don’t mind it
I don’t mind at all
It’s like you’re the swing set
~ And I’m the kid that falls ~
It’s like the way we fight
The times I’ve cried
We come to blows
And every night
~ The passion’s there ~
So it’s got to be right
Right?
No I don’t believe you
When you say don’t come around here no more
I won’t remind you
You said we wouldn’t be apart
No I don’t believe you
When you say you don’t need me anymore
~ So don’t pretend to
Not love me at all ~
I don’t mind it
I still don’t mind at all
It’s like one of those bad dreams
When you can’t wake up
It looks like you’ve given up
You’ve had enough
~ But I want more ~
No I won't stop
Because I just know
You’ll come around
Right?
No I don’t believe you
When you say don’t come around here no more
I won’t remind you
~ You said we wouldn’t be apart ~
No I don’t believe you
When you say you don’t need me anymore
So don’t pretend to
Not love me at all
~ Just don’t stand there and watch me fall ~
Because I, because I still don’t mind at all
It’s like the way we fight
The times I’ve cried
We come to blows
And every night
The passions there
~ So it’s got to be right,
Right? ~
No I don’t believe you
When you say don’t come around here no more
I won’t remind you
You said we wouldn’t be apart
No I don’t believe you
When you say you don’t need me anymore
So don’t pretend to
Not love me at all
I don’t believe you
---
When I first heard Pink's "Please don't leave me", I was irked at how weak she sounded. I was thinking, Pink's meant to be tough and strong - why is she begging him to stay with her? Then I saw the MV and realised there was another interpretation to the song.
So, when I first heard this song, I checked to see if there was another take to it. Apparently not.
Still, I couldn't help but fall for it. Pink's deep voice brings out the feeling of pain really well. What really did it for me, though, was the short "Right?" she utters before the chorus. The tinge of uncertainty in the midst of conviction and resolve provided a contrast which really stood out.
I suppose it's nice to occasionally see a different side.
I don’t mind at all
It’s like you’re the swing set
~ And I’m the kid that falls ~
It’s like the way we fight
The times I’ve cried
We come to blows
And every night
~ The passion’s there ~
So it’s got to be right
Right?
No I don’t believe you
When you say don’t come around here no more
I won’t remind you
You said we wouldn’t be apart
No I don’t believe you
When you say you don’t need me anymore
~ So don’t pretend to
Not love me at all ~
I don’t mind it
I still don’t mind at all
It’s like one of those bad dreams
When you can’t wake up
It looks like you’ve given up
You’ve had enough
~ But I want more ~
No I won't stop
Because I just know
You’ll come around
Right?
No I don’t believe you
When you say don’t come around here no more
I won’t remind you
~ You said we wouldn’t be apart ~
No I don’t believe you
When you say you don’t need me anymore
So don’t pretend to
Not love me at all
~ Just don’t stand there and watch me fall ~
Because I, because I still don’t mind at all
It’s like the way we fight
The times I’ve cried
We come to blows
And every night
The passions there
~ So it’s got to be right,
Right? ~
No I don’t believe you
When you say don’t come around here no more
I won’t remind you
You said we wouldn’t be apart
No I don’t believe you
When you say you don’t need me anymore
So don’t pretend to
Not love me at all
I don’t believe you
---
When I first heard Pink's "Please don't leave me", I was irked at how weak she sounded. I was thinking, Pink's meant to be tough and strong - why is she begging him to stay with her? Then I saw the MV and realised there was another interpretation to the song.
So, when I first heard this song, I checked to see if there was another take to it. Apparently not.
Still, I couldn't help but fall for it. Pink's deep voice brings out the feeling of pain really well. What really did it for me, though, was the short "Right?" she utters before the chorus. The tinge of uncertainty in the midst of conviction and resolve provided a contrast which really stood out.
I suppose it's nice to occasionally see a different side.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Addicted
A drug that grips my entire being.
It comes,
Lifts me to the upper echelons of thrill and excitement,
Euphoric and blissfully satisfying.
With it, I forget the world - its troubles, its sorrows, its woes.
But then it goes,
Plunging me into a pool of deep emptiness,
My mind blank, my heart confused,
My insides hollowed out.
Up, then down again.
Up, then down deeper still.
Each time eats further and further into my soul,
Deeper and deeper,
Saps away my strength, my will, my rationality,
Steals away a greater piece of me.
Yet time after time, I yearn for that heavenly sensation.
I reach out for its touch,
Its gentle caress on my frail emotions, knowing well the inevitable hurt which follows.
Pain and pleasure, joy then gloom.
Is it worth it?
It comes,
Lifts me to the upper echelons of thrill and excitement,
Euphoric and blissfully satisfying.
With it, I forget the world - its troubles, its sorrows, its woes.
But then it goes,
Plunging me into a pool of deep emptiness,
My mind blank, my heart confused,
My insides hollowed out.
Up, then down again.
Up, then down deeper still.
Each time eats further and further into my soul,
Deeper and deeper,
Saps away my strength, my will, my rationality,
Steals away a greater piece of me.
Yet time after time, I yearn for that heavenly sensation.
I reach out for its touch,
Its gentle caress on my frail emotions, knowing well the inevitable hurt which follows.
Pain and pleasure, joy then gloom.
Is it worth it?
Monday, November 9, 2009
Divorce from communication
I recently read a short fictional piece which stole from me many a tear. It was a simple piece, outlining the thoughts and feelings of a woman who believed that five years of marriage has made the relationship stale. And so she handed him the divorce papers.
What tugged at my heartstrings was the conversation they had afterwards. It turned out that all the things she took as indications of his nonchalance and indifference, were actually his way of showing consideration and care. Both were going out of their own way for the other, thinking that it was what their beloved wanted.
What they lacked between them was not love. It was communication, openness, honesty.
When two people choose to cohabit, one might assume that they have a degree of understanding with each other. But even so, two individuals cannot expect to know each other's every unspoken thought. If they choose to be silent, then both can only guess and infer, through his/her own biased lenses. What good could that possibly have?
What tugged at my heartstrings was the conversation they had afterwards. It turned out that all the things she took as indications of his nonchalance and indifference, were actually his way of showing consideration and care. Both were going out of their own way for the other, thinking that it was what their beloved wanted.
What they lacked between them was not love. It was communication, openness, honesty.
When two people choose to cohabit, one might assume that they have a degree of understanding with each other. But even so, two individuals cannot expect to know each other's every unspoken thought. If they choose to be silent, then both can only guess and infer, through his/her own biased lenses. What good could that possibly have?
Saturday, November 7, 2009
離婚協議書 (轉貼, 作者:佚名)
A short story I found ~
---
嫁給這個男人五年了，我不知道我是否還愛他，記得剛新婚的時候，早晨時必定會在他懷抱中醒來，我總是紅著臉不敢說一聲早，怕嘴裡的口氣弄皺了他的眉，
漱口杯與牙刷堅持要和他用同款不同色，擺在一起看才有夫妻的感覺。
我會幫他打點上班 的衣物，什麼襯衫配什麼領帶，經過我的審美才准他穿上身。
起了床到餐桌上，為了他的健康，我每天變換不同花樣的早餐，晴朗的天可能是培根蛋加上烤土司，有些下雨的話，或許來點小米粥搭醬瓜鹹蛋，要是陰天，不如就吃些外頭的燒餅油條和豆漿，招式用到我變不出新把戲，可是我樂此不疲。
除了當一個賢慧的妻子，我亦毫不掩飾對他的熱情，「我愛你」是每天恭送他出門上班一定說的話，然後附加一個親密的吻，即使他大多時候只是淺淺一笑，也足夠我高興個老半天。
但是，五年過去了。
我相信還不到癢的時候，可是到底是什麼改變了我和他的互動呢？
早晨起床，他的位置往往已空蕩，只能由皺褶的床單證實他確實存在過，即使他偶爾睡過了頭或者小賴一下床，也絕對是急急忙忙由床上跳起來，匆忙的梳洗著衣。
我已經快忘了被他擁抱迎接朝陽的感覺，盥洗室裡的漱口杯，在幾年前被打破後，再也找不到一模一樣的，而另一個也因為掉到馬桶裡，所以也換了新的。
五年內，牙刷已換了不知幾支，甚至有時我們睡迷糊了，還會用上同一支，什麼口氣的問題都不需要掩飾了，是否一樣顏色，一樣款式，他說這些根本不重要。
因此，洗手台上Hello Kitty和小叮噹圖樣，漱口杯左右對峙，小叮噹的杯裡插著一支綠色牙刷，是我的，Hello Kitty則是空的，因為他前一陣子已改用電動牙刷，擺在架子上。
分屬兩個不同故事的漱口杯，以及位於兩個不同位置的牙刷，彷彿在嘲諷我們的夫妻關係，漸行漸遠。
因為他出門的時間早，打點他的衣著已經不再是我的事，他自己會搞定。
早餐呢？很久沒有一起吃了，我同樣不必費盡心思去想菜單、查食譜，反正沒人賞光，更不用說「我愛你」這句話，還有熱情的早安吻，他無福消受，而且現在說起來也有些矯情了。
仔細想想，五年來，他沒有說過一次「我愛你」，一次也沒有。
我和他相聚的時間，嚴格上來說是從晚上七點開始，也就是他下班回來之後，如果他加班的話，那時間可能要延到十點、十一點。
剛結婚的時候，我為了他去學烹飪，「要抓住男人的心，先抓住他的胃」，我深信這個鐵律。
所以，一些餐館名菜常出現在我們餐桌上，宮保雞丁、五更腸旺、蔥油雞、東坡肉……等。
見他吃得高興，我也開懷，雖然不全是我愛吃的，但是他愛吃就好。
飯後，我們會依偎在沙發上看電視，我陪他看新聞，聽他評論國政、批判社情，
他陪我看八點檔，聽我調侃劇情、大哭大笑。
所以我知道行政院長、立法院長是什麼人，他也知道當紅的李世民是誰演的。
我沒有料到的是，五年的時間可以改變這一切，烹飪班我可以說是半途而廢，不知道從哪天起，
他開始干涉我做菜的方法，宮保雞丁他不喜歡太多辣椒，五更腸旺他開始抵制，蔥油雞叫我別淋油，連滷東坡肉要放多少醬油，他都有話說。
我做的菜漸漸變得簡單，烹飪班也不想去了，有時候一盤炒青菜、貢丸湯和皮蛋豆腐就打發掉他，他反而沒什麼意見。
我想，我抓不住他的胃。
隨著他加班次數的增加，我們甚少在一起看電視了，除了現任總統是陳水扁，我對於國家大事可說一無所知，而他，問都不用問台灣霹靂火的男主角是誰他絕對不可能知道。
夫妻之間開始言不及義，他對我說的話，大多都是「不用等我」、「早點睡」，我跟他說的話，也幾乎是「你回來了」、「菜在電鍋熱著」。
我們沒有相同的話題，沒有相同的興趣，除了「夫妻」名義上的聯繫，我們的交流空泛的可憐，比普通朋友還不如。
多可笑的夫妻關係，不是嗎？
婚前，我們曾描繪著未來的願景，他說要生兩個孩子，先男後女，哥哥可以保護妹妹，我卻認為應該先享受一段兩人生活，生孩子的時情倒不急於一時，只是我不想壞了他的興致，並沒有說出口。
婚後一陣子，他很積極的和我「創造宇宙繼起之生命」，他想要孩子，從他不戴保險套的行為可以看得出來，可是我還不想要，又怕他不高興，於是我背著他吃避孕藥。
記得那時，他還興沖沖的帶我到醫院探視一名女性朋友，她剛生完一個四千兩百公克的巨嬰，神色萎糜的躺在病床上。
我忘不了他隔著一塊玻璃看新生娃娃時，眼中綻放的神采，可是我更忘不了，那位女性朋友用著虛弱的語氣告訴我，
她整整痛了一天一夜，才求醫生由自然產改為剖腹產，我更不敢生小孩了。
五年後的今天，他似乎已經放棄生小孩這回事，畢竟只有他一頭熱是沒用的。
可是，待在他上班之後空洞的房子裡，我突然覺得生個孩子也不錯，至少屋子裡會熱鬧點，我的寂寞，也會少一點。
他早就在數年前就開始用保險套了，我不清楚是什麼讓他改變心意，不過這也鬆了我一口氣，我對避孕藥似乎過敏，不論換什麼牌子最後都落得一個水腫的下場。
我猜他六百多度的近視加閃光，應該看不出我水腫前和水腫後有什不一樣，重點是他的保險套解決了我一個大麻煩，同時又帶來另一個新煩惱。
我現在想要一個孩子了，他卻似乎不想，我不知怎麼跟他開口，更別提他頻繁的加班，晚上常累得倒頭就睡，如果我再開這個口，似乎變相增加他的壓力。
兩個人之間，已經夠低潮了，不需要再增加一個會引起衝突的話題。
在我們戀愛的時候，他很喜歡帶我到淡水，坐在河堤旁看落日，沿著碼頭走一遭，可以吃到不同口味的各式小吃，淡水的海產頗富盛名，他似乎是識途老馬，總知道哪家是最道地的。
有時候，他帶著我坐渡輪到對岸的八里，那裡熱鬧的只有一條路，賣的全是孔雀蛤，兩個人可以吃掉一大盤，還覺得意猶未盡。
他也會和我騎雙人腳踏車沿著淡水老街騎到淡海，再由淡海騎回來，沿路的風景不算十分迷人，但有種質樸的味道，兼之海風鹹鹹的打在臉上，我很享受這種氣氛。
當然，坐在腳踏車後座的我三天打漁兩天曬網，心情好的時候才踩兩下，他明知我偷懶，還是賣力的踩，我很懷念，真的即使過了五年，那段回憶仍然歷歷在目。
婚後到淡水的次數，除了新婚那一陣子，幾乎屈指可數，近兩、三年更是一次都沒去過。
每到假日，他不到中午不會起床，我見他這麼疲倦，當然也不會煩他帶我到處走走。
假日照理說，我和他應該可以有些交集可是他累，我只能自己找事做，和在上班工作的朋友出門逛逛街，聊聊是非，也順便埋怨一下他。
至於在家睡覺的他，午、晚飯，自己解決吧！
他不知道，在前幾個月，我耐不住無聊，自個兒坐捷運到了淡水。
果然，太久沒有去了，那裡已經變成一個我完全不認識的地方，
河堤旁的小吃攤不見了，全部集中在捷運站附近，過去我和他看夕陽的地方整修成一條長堤，僅供散步，路面變得乾淨整潔固然是好，但是收藏著我和他美好記憶的地方，消失了。
沒有他的帶路，我找不到道地的海產店，找不到好吃的小吃，自己一個人也騎不了雙人單車，但我驚訝的發現，淡水多了一個漁人碼頭，可以坐公車過去。
漁人碼頭，他的腳步沒有踏上過，我先了他一步，這是沒有他，只有我的經驗。
到了漁人碼頭邊，風景美復美矣，卻有種人工雕砌的做作，我以為花了幾百元搭乘藍色公路可以到對岸八里，就像渡輪一般，但那失了古風的遊艇卻繞了一大圈後又開回原點。
除了顛簸的船身搖得我頭暈目眩，我記不起來什麼美麗的風景，連孔雀蛤也沒撈到一粒，淡水變了，我和他的回憶，也變了。
某個早上，我特地比他早起，煮了頓睽違已久的豐盛早餐給他。
然後，沒有第三者，沒有爭吵．我遞出了離婚協議書。
那是我第一次看到他那麼震驚的表情，如果那天是愚人節，我想我成功了。
可是，我不會開那般惡劣的玩笑，他知道我是認真的，他沒有像一般男人一樣，暴跳如雷，開始數落女方的罪狀，也沒有哭哭啼啼，跪下哀求我留下，他只是極力冷靜自己的心緒，默不吭聲的接下協議書，開門，上班，一如往常。
他或許也察覺我們的夫妻關係到了一個瓶頸，也打算仔細考慮離婚的可行性，他近幾年的疏離，我沒有流下一滴眼淚，可是他這天的冷漠，幾乎傾盡我五年的淚水。
我有些後悔，這後悔逐漸蔓延，以心臟為一個起點，通傳至我的頭頂及腳趾。
但後悔又如何呢？
不快刀斬亂麻，也只是拖著一個平淡如水的日子，兩個人乾耗。
我不知道自己對他的愛剩多少，更不清楚他對我的愛剩多少。
嫁給他之前，我就知道他沈默寡言，嫁給他之後，自以為能改變他的我，並沒有改變他多少。
我的愛，還不足以改變他，他的愛，亦不足以為我改變，這大概是關鍵所在。
柴米油鹽醬醋茶會摧毀愛情的甜蜜，我嚐到了，但這卻是用五年換來的教訓。
趁現在，沒有孩子，沒有牽絆，我也不貪圖他什麼，該是離婚最好的時機吧！
抖著手在離婚協議書上簽下名的我，交給他之後他出去幾個小時了，我仍然在發抖，
這是一種未知的惶恐，我等他給我一個結果。
他冷淡了我五年後，又凌遲了我七天。
從離婚協議書交到他手上之後，整整一個星期，他不與我說一句話，也睡了七天的沙發，每天仍然照常上下班，除了更加冷淡，我感覺不到他的喜怒哀樂。
那張協議書，就算扔到垃圾筒裡，還會有觸動垃圾袋的聲音，可是他，一點聲音也沒有，我懷疑他根本不當一回事，一段時間不理會我，只是在看我會不會自己忘了離婚這回事。
我受不了了，他到底要怎麼做呢？
連離婚，也要離得這麼漠然嗎？
然而，七天之後的他，結結實實嚇了我一跳，一早，我聽到他在客廳起床的聲音，隔著門板聽不真切，我卻一直等不到他出去上班的關門聲。
一陣乒乒乓乓的金屬撞擊，取代了他一向安安靜靜的作息，我終於按捺不住起身察看，卻在開門後，聞到了一陣食物的香氣。
「起床了嗎？吃點蛋捲。」他笑著，如新婚時我吻他之後那般淺笑。
我心裡狠狠跳了一下，原以為古井不波的情緒，因他久違的體貼，而起了絲絲漣漪。
他還是那麼輕易的，可以撩動我的心，我不清楚他怎麼可以混到九點、十點還不去上班，他接收到我的疑惑，也只是淡然一笑，身上簡單的服裝一點兒上班的氣息都沒有。
可能他，也有工作疲乏吧！
也可能他要宣判了，關於那張離婚協議書，看他神色自若的樣子，我默默吃著早餐，幻想著等一下他會說的話。
他會不會乾脆的就離婚了呢？還是在我面前撕了協議書呢？
不可否認的，我的心，傾向後者。
「我升上經理了。」
他的第一句話，出乎我意料，下一句話，卻馬上進入重點，轟得我措手不及，
「工作上的事告一段落，現在要好好處理家裡的事。」
工作是排在家庭之前嗎？我苦笑。
「工作安頓好，我才能給妳安定的家。」
他像在解釋我的疑惑。
「所以，告訴我為什麼要離婚呢？」
他終於問了，臉色變得嚴肅。
他從來沒有用過這種質疑的口氣與我說話，望著他難得的厲色，我竟一句話也說不出來。
「妳覺得我冷淡妳了嗎？」
轉眼，他的態度忽而又變得自嘲，弄得我丈二金剛，「我就知道妳一個人在家老是胡思亂想。」
我和他長談了一整天，數個小時的談話，有五分之四的時間我是在哭的，因為我覺得自己犯了一個滔天大錯，可是有些事，沒有那張離婚協議書，我永遠不會知道。
他說，五年來，他確實每天都是抱著我醒來，只是後來他工作忙，起床時間變早，而我仍沈睡著，不知道罷了，有時他還會親親我的臉，看著我貪懶的睡顏，他不忍心叫醒我。
而擺在盥洗室的漱口杯，他根本搞不清楚小叮噹是他的或Hello Kitty才是他的，他以為粉紅色是女孩子的頻色，所以他一直用著小叮噹的嗽口杯。
原來，我們一直在無形間，做著親密的唇齒交流，可憐了Hello Kitty，擺在那兒沒人用，成了個裝飾品。
早餐，他吃的都是7-11，他承認很想念我做的早餐，可是他不好意思要我每天做給他，他知道我會擠盡腦汁變花樣，他捨不得看我太累。
「我娶妳，是希望妳享福，不是要妳來當女傭的。」
從他這句話開始，我便止不住眼淚。
提到他的衣著，他更是笑我的傻，他看得出來我會為他添新衣服，按顏色花樣在櫃裡整整齊齊的分類擺放，而新婚時期我常幫他搭配，久了他也知道我的喜好，什麼領帶配什麼衣服，他是為我而穿。
至於熱情的早安吻，每天他早在我熟睡間給我了，我卻兀自鑽牛角尖，認為他不需要我的吻。
「你為什麼從不說你愛我呢？」我噙著淚水問他。
「我以為妳知道，否則我們為什麼結婚呢？」
他理所當然回答。
是啊！我知道，我一直都知道，不然我不會嫁給他的，可是既然知道，我又何必強求他說出來呢？
女人都是需要一些愛語滋潤的，我想這就是理由，看著我控訴的眼光，我想他也知道理由了。
「妳做的大菜，很好吃可是那些菜費工夫，也不全是妳喜歡的，所以我寧可妳做些簡單的菜，最好是妳也喜歡吃。」
他一句一句的解釋，又讓我掉了一缸淚水，「妳不喜歡吃辣，因此我要妳少放辣椒，妳不吃內臟，那我也不吃，妳怕胖，所以料理時我希望油加少一點，醬油鹽份高，吃多腎臟負擔大，為了妳我健康著想，調味即可，不必加太多。」
只要是我煮的，他都喜歡，想想每次準備食物給他，他沒有一次不是吃光的，到底為什麼我會覺得抓不住他的胃呢？
所以，我也抓住了他的心嗎？
另一件令我驚訝的事，他真的知道台灣霹靂火的男主角是誰，即使猜得不完全正確。
「是劉文聰嗎？還是那個李正賢呢？晚上在公司加班，同事都會開電視來看，所以我多少也知道一點。」他撫去我臉上淚痕，笑問：「妳也在看嗎？」
「嗯。」我又想哭了，我真是小覷了那個節目的收視率。
「當上經理之後會比較少加班，那我們就一起看。」
他說得輕鬆，我卻鼻頭一陣酸楚。
我在意的，其實不是看什麼節目，管他行政院長、立法院長是誰，沒有他在身邊，看什麼都索然無味。
我發現，只要願意，兩個人什麼事都可以談，連我跟他解釋台灣霹靂火的劇情，一路聊到整容話題，他也聽得津津有味。
是我，是我封閉了自己，以為他不願意聽我說話、不願意對我說話。
他心疼我一個人在家裡，聊公司裡的事怕悶壞我，又見我一副不想搭理他的樣子，他每天只能摸摸一鼻子的灰。
無論他跟我說什麼，我都是愛聽的，可是我現在才讓他知道，夫妻兩浪費了幾年的時間在這種誤解之間打轉，他活該，我也活該。
「我很少看新聞，都不知道國家最近發生了什麼事。」
我這句話出口得有些抱怨。
「好，我以後每天當妳的新聞台。」他溫柔的笑了。
聊到生孩子的事，他先是一陣默然。
「我想生一個孩子。」這時候，我有勇氣說出口了。
「我以為妳不想，剛結婚那一陣子，妳不是一直吃避孕藥嗎？」難得聽到他有些怪罪的語氣。
進一步了解之後，我才發現，他一直知道我在吃藥，或許是我哪次把藥隨便擱在化粧台上，被他看到了，他徹底了解我不想要孩子。
而他也知道，我吃完藥隔天會有水腫的現象，身子骨纖細的我，一雙腳腫得跟象腿一樣，也只有我這種人的鴕鳥心態，才會認為他不會發現。
後來我養成習慣將藥好好放在抽屜中，他以為我不再吃，怕身子水腫難受，所以他戴起保險套，說來說去，還是為了我。
「妳又水腫了嗎？一直哭個不停，是想把身體裡的水逼出來嗎？」
他居然敢揶揄我，免不了得到我飽以老拳。
他還是想要孩子的，聽完我說想生孩子，他眼下興奮的光芒大大的告訴我這一點。
只不過，那抹光芒在閃爍之後隨即斂去，他又正襟危坐的問了我一個問題。
「妳真的想生嗎？」
「想啊！我一個人在家好無聊。」
「只是因為無聊嗎？如果一個人在家無聊，妳想出去學東西、去工作、和朋友 去逛街，我不會阻撓妳。」
「你不是也想嗎？」我生氣了，縱然淚眼婆娑沒什麼說服力。
他開始說起那個四千兩百公克的巨嬰，原來那名女性朋友的經驗不僅嚇到我，也嚇到他了。
他不希望我生孩子還要受極大的痛苦，什麼剖腹產、自然產，他一點概念也沒有，只知道一定會很痛，他明白我怕痛，所以他捨棄了生孩子的想法。
「我不管，我要生。」明瞭了他的想法後，我更希望替他生一個孩子，身體裡流著我和他血液的孩子。
「那就生吧！」他悄悄的在我耳邊說了一句令我臉紅的話。
「你這麼有精力，不是上班很累嗎？」
我狐疑他話裡的真實性。
經他解釋，我才恍然大悟，就算工作累，他偶爾也有慾望，有時晚上摟著我，又看我睡得香甜，這種看得到吃不到的痛苦，他只能鬱鬱的悶在自己心裡，
面對他的心意，我，真的無言了。
在我像兩顆水蜜桃的雙眼略為消腫後，他催我換衣服，帶我出門。
已經好久沒和他一起出遊了，在兩人間的冷淡破冰後，坐在他身邊竟也給我當初戀愛的感覺。
我凝望著他專心駕駛的側臉，將他的動作姿態深深刻在心裡，因為我差點忘了，我和他之間還橫著一個問題，那張離婚協議書。
我要一輩子記住他的模樣，如果他最後仍是簽了名，可是，他應該不會簽吧！
否則，他何必和我討論生孩子的事。
「到了。」他停車，我也隨之下車。
海風迎面吹來，是淡水。
他也記得這個地方，這個我們記憶珍藏的地方。
「我一直想帶妳來，可是妳假日都和朋友出門，我只好蒙著棉被在家睡覺。」他如此說道。
這是個什麼烏龍呢？
我體諒他工作累，他體諒我和朋友出門，就這樣我們錯過了，一次又一次的相伴。
「你以後想幹什麼，可以直接說。」我惱火的盯著他。
「妳也是。」他正經八百的回視我，言下之意是要我別五十步笑百步。
說來也好笑，我們一直認為自己是在為對方著想，以自己的方式去體貼對方，這種自以為是卻導致了無數個陰錯陽差，一直到我開始懷疑自己不愛他，他也不愛我了，才驚覺這份愛並不是消逝，而是溶入了生活之中，自然的讓人忘了它的存在。
愛情的表現，可以是黏膩、親熱、奉獻、祝福，甚至是退讓，每個人的方式不同，會導致的結果各異。
我的方式是盲目的付出，他的方式是全然的關懷，乍看之下兩個人都沒錯，可是無論什麼方式，中間少了一種叫「溝通」的元素，就容易導致裂痕。
我們的婚姻，就是建築在這種缺乏溝通的空中樓閣之上，嫁給這個男人五年了，我以為我漸漸的不愛他，但只是一番簡單的剖白心意，我對他所有的愛再度復活，甚而轉濃。
女人會因男人長久的冷落而對愛情失望，也可以因男人一句話又對愛情充滿希望，
我不想和他離婚，一點兒也不想，當初硬著頭皮簽下名，或許只是賭氣，只是要他正眼看看我。
可是 ……
「那、那張離婚協議書……。」我要收回來。
「在公司裡。」他好整以暇，「公司的碎紙機裡。」
這個意思是… …？
「妳想離婚，等我成為亡夫時再說吧！」
我估量不出他說這句話，是不是在開玩笑，不過他又騙到我的淚水。
他真的很愛我，即使他沒有說過，我想如果我堅持離婚，他會放我走的，他捨不得見我難過，就像他見我掉淚又趕快摟住我一樣。
倘若，是他想離婚呢？
恕我自私，我是堅決不會放的，除非等我變成亡妻，同樣因為他捨不得見我難過，我自信可以留住他。
「淡水整個都變了，我都快不認識了。」
哄完了我，他連忙帶開話題。
「我來過，我知道有什麼景點。」
「那這次就要靠妳帶路囉！」
是啊！我們可以開創新的回憶，只要有我也有他，什麼時間地點都不成問題。
結婚五年，
我又發現了一次愛情。
---
嫁給這個男人五年了，我不知道我是否還愛他，記得剛新婚的時候，早晨時必定會在他懷抱中醒來，我總是紅著臉不敢說一聲早，怕嘴裡的口氣弄皺了他的眉，
漱口杯與牙刷堅持要和他用同款不同色，擺在一起看才有夫妻的感覺。
我會幫他打點上班 的衣物，什麼襯衫配什麼領帶，經過我的審美才准他穿上身。
起了床到餐桌上，為了他的健康，我每天變換不同花樣的早餐，晴朗的天可能是培根蛋加上烤土司，有些下雨的話，或許來點小米粥搭醬瓜鹹蛋，要是陰天，不如就吃些外頭的燒餅油條和豆漿，招式用到我變不出新把戲，可是我樂此不疲。
除了當一個賢慧的妻子，我亦毫不掩飾對他的熱情，「我愛你」是每天恭送他出門上班一定說的話，然後附加一個親密的吻，即使他大多時候只是淺淺一笑，也足夠我高興個老半天。
但是，五年過去了。
我相信還不到癢的時候，可是到底是什麼改變了我和他的互動呢？
早晨起床，他的位置往往已空蕩，只能由皺褶的床單證實他確實存在過，即使他偶爾睡過了頭或者小賴一下床，也絕對是急急忙忙由床上跳起來，匆忙的梳洗著衣。
我已經快忘了被他擁抱迎接朝陽的感覺，盥洗室裡的漱口杯，在幾年前被打破後，再也找不到一模一樣的，而另一個也因為掉到馬桶裡，所以也換了新的。
五年內，牙刷已換了不知幾支，甚至有時我們睡迷糊了，還會用上同一支，什麼口氣的問題都不需要掩飾了，是否一樣顏色，一樣款式，他說這些根本不重要。
因此，洗手台上Hello Kitty和小叮噹圖樣，漱口杯左右對峙，小叮噹的杯裡插著一支綠色牙刷，是我的，Hello Kitty則是空的，因為他前一陣子已改用電動牙刷，擺在架子上。
分屬兩個不同故事的漱口杯，以及位於兩個不同位置的牙刷，彷彿在嘲諷我們的夫妻關係，漸行漸遠。
因為他出門的時間早，打點他的衣著已經不再是我的事，他自己會搞定。
早餐呢？很久沒有一起吃了，我同樣不必費盡心思去想菜單、查食譜，反正沒人賞光，更不用說「我愛你」這句話，還有熱情的早安吻，他無福消受，而且現在說起來也有些矯情了。
仔細想想，五年來，他沒有說過一次「我愛你」，一次也沒有。
我和他相聚的時間，嚴格上來說是從晚上七點開始，也就是他下班回來之後，如果他加班的話，那時間可能要延到十點、十一點。
剛結婚的時候，我為了他去學烹飪，「要抓住男人的心，先抓住他的胃」，我深信這個鐵律。
所以，一些餐館名菜常出現在我們餐桌上，宮保雞丁、五更腸旺、蔥油雞、東坡肉……等。
見他吃得高興，我也開懷，雖然不全是我愛吃的，但是他愛吃就好。
飯後，我們會依偎在沙發上看電視，我陪他看新聞，聽他評論國政、批判社情，
他陪我看八點檔，聽我調侃劇情、大哭大笑。
所以我知道行政院長、立法院長是什麼人，他也知道當紅的李世民是誰演的。
我沒有料到的是，五年的時間可以改變這一切，烹飪班我可以說是半途而廢，不知道從哪天起，
他開始干涉我做菜的方法，宮保雞丁他不喜歡太多辣椒，五更腸旺他開始抵制，蔥油雞叫我別淋油，連滷東坡肉要放多少醬油，他都有話說。
我做的菜漸漸變得簡單，烹飪班也不想去了，有時候一盤炒青菜、貢丸湯和皮蛋豆腐就打發掉他，他反而沒什麼意見。
我想，我抓不住他的胃。
隨著他加班次數的增加，我們甚少在一起看電視了，除了現任總統是陳水扁，我對於國家大事可說一無所知，而他，問都不用問台灣霹靂火的男主角是誰他絕對不可能知道。
夫妻之間開始言不及義，他對我說的話，大多都是「不用等我」、「早點睡」，我跟他說的話，也幾乎是「你回來了」、「菜在電鍋熱著」。
我們沒有相同的話題，沒有相同的興趣，除了「夫妻」名義上的聯繫，我們的交流空泛的可憐，比普通朋友還不如。
多可笑的夫妻關係，不是嗎？
婚前，我們曾描繪著未來的願景，他說要生兩個孩子，先男後女，哥哥可以保護妹妹，我卻認為應該先享受一段兩人生活，生孩子的時情倒不急於一時，只是我不想壞了他的興致，並沒有說出口。
婚後一陣子，他很積極的和我「創造宇宙繼起之生命」，他想要孩子，從他不戴保險套的行為可以看得出來，可是我還不想要，又怕他不高興，於是我背著他吃避孕藥。
記得那時，他還興沖沖的帶我到醫院探視一名女性朋友，她剛生完一個四千兩百公克的巨嬰，神色萎糜的躺在病床上。
我忘不了他隔著一塊玻璃看新生娃娃時，眼中綻放的神采，可是我更忘不了，那位女性朋友用著虛弱的語氣告訴我，
她整整痛了一天一夜，才求醫生由自然產改為剖腹產，我更不敢生小孩了。
五年後的今天，他似乎已經放棄生小孩這回事，畢竟只有他一頭熱是沒用的。
可是，待在他上班之後空洞的房子裡，我突然覺得生個孩子也不錯，至少屋子裡會熱鬧點，我的寂寞，也會少一點。
他早就在數年前就開始用保險套了，我不清楚是什麼讓他改變心意，不過這也鬆了我一口氣，我對避孕藥似乎過敏，不論換什麼牌子最後都落得一個水腫的下場。
我猜他六百多度的近視加閃光，應該看不出我水腫前和水腫後有什不一樣，重點是他的保險套解決了我一個大麻煩，同時又帶來另一個新煩惱。
我現在想要一個孩子了，他卻似乎不想，我不知怎麼跟他開口，更別提他頻繁的加班，晚上常累得倒頭就睡，如果我再開這個口，似乎變相增加他的壓力。
兩個人之間，已經夠低潮了，不需要再增加一個會引起衝突的話題。
在我們戀愛的時候，他很喜歡帶我到淡水，坐在河堤旁看落日，沿著碼頭走一遭，可以吃到不同口味的各式小吃，淡水的海產頗富盛名，他似乎是識途老馬，總知道哪家是最道地的。
有時候，他帶著我坐渡輪到對岸的八里，那裡熱鬧的只有一條路，賣的全是孔雀蛤，兩個人可以吃掉一大盤，還覺得意猶未盡。
他也會和我騎雙人腳踏車沿著淡水老街騎到淡海，再由淡海騎回來，沿路的風景不算十分迷人，但有種質樸的味道，兼之海風鹹鹹的打在臉上，我很享受這種氣氛。
當然，坐在腳踏車後座的我三天打漁兩天曬網，心情好的時候才踩兩下，他明知我偷懶，還是賣力的踩，我很懷念，真的即使過了五年，那段回憶仍然歷歷在目。
婚後到淡水的次數，除了新婚那一陣子，幾乎屈指可數，近兩、三年更是一次都沒去過。
每到假日，他不到中午不會起床，我見他這麼疲倦，當然也不會煩他帶我到處走走。
假日照理說，我和他應該可以有些交集可是他累，我只能自己找事做，和在上班工作的朋友出門逛逛街，聊聊是非，也順便埋怨一下他。
至於在家睡覺的他，午、晚飯，自己解決吧！
他不知道，在前幾個月，我耐不住無聊，自個兒坐捷運到了淡水。
果然，太久沒有去了，那裡已經變成一個我完全不認識的地方，
河堤旁的小吃攤不見了，全部集中在捷運站附近，過去我和他看夕陽的地方整修成一條長堤，僅供散步，路面變得乾淨整潔固然是好，但是收藏著我和他美好記憶的地方，消失了。
沒有他的帶路，我找不到道地的海產店，找不到好吃的小吃，自己一個人也騎不了雙人單車，但我驚訝的發現，淡水多了一個漁人碼頭，可以坐公車過去。
漁人碼頭，他的腳步沒有踏上過，我先了他一步，這是沒有他，只有我的經驗。
到了漁人碼頭邊，風景美復美矣，卻有種人工雕砌的做作，我以為花了幾百元搭乘藍色公路可以到對岸八里，就像渡輪一般，但那失了古風的遊艇卻繞了一大圈後又開回原點。
除了顛簸的船身搖得我頭暈目眩，我記不起來什麼美麗的風景，連孔雀蛤也沒撈到一粒，淡水變了，我和他的回憶，也變了。
某個早上，我特地比他早起，煮了頓睽違已久的豐盛早餐給他。
然後，沒有第三者，沒有爭吵．我遞出了離婚協議書。
那是我第一次看到他那麼震驚的表情，如果那天是愚人節，我想我成功了。
可是，我不會開那般惡劣的玩笑，他知道我是認真的，他沒有像一般男人一樣，暴跳如雷，開始數落女方的罪狀，也沒有哭哭啼啼，跪下哀求我留下，他只是極力冷靜自己的心緒，默不吭聲的接下協議書，開門，上班，一如往常。
他或許也察覺我們的夫妻關係到了一個瓶頸，也打算仔細考慮離婚的可行性，他近幾年的疏離，我沒有流下一滴眼淚，可是他這天的冷漠，幾乎傾盡我五年的淚水。
我有些後悔，這後悔逐漸蔓延，以心臟為一個起點，通傳至我的頭頂及腳趾。
但後悔又如何呢？
不快刀斬亂麻，也只是拖著一個平淡如水的日子，兩個人乾耗。
我不知道自己對他的愛剩多少，更不清楚他對我的愛剩多少。
嫁給他之前，我就知道他沈默寡言，嫁給他之後，自以為能改變他的我，並沒有改變他多少。
我的愛，還不足以改變他，他的愛，亦不足以為我改變，這大概是關鍵所在。
柴米油鹽醬醋茶會摧毀愛情的甜蜜，我嚐到了，但這卻是用五年換來的教訓。
趁現在，沒有孩子，沒有牽絆，我也不貪圖他什麼，該是離婚最好的時機吧！
抖著手在離婚協議書上簽下名的我，交給他之後他出去幾個小時了，我仍然在發抖，
這是一種未知的惶恐，我等他給我一個結果。
他冷淡了我五年後，又凌遲了我七天。
從離婚協議書交到他手上之後，整整一個星期，他不與我說一句話，也睡了七天的沙發，每天仍然照常上下班，除了更加冷淡，我感覺不到他的喜怒哀樂。
那張協議書，就算扔到垃圾筒裡，還會有觸動垃圾袋的聲音，可是他，一點聲音也沒有，我懷疑他根本不當一回事，一段時間不理會我，只是在看我會不會自己忘了離婚這回事。
我受不了了，他到底要怎麼做呢？
連離婚，也要離得這麼漠然嗎？
然而，七天之後的他，結結實實嚇了我一跳，一早，我聽到他在客廳起床的聲音，隔著門板聽不真切，我卻一直等不到他出去上班的關門聲。
一陣乒乒乓乓的金屬撞擊，取代了他一向安安靜靜的作息，我終於按捺不住起身察看，卻在開門後，聞到了一陣食物的香氣。
「起床了嗎？吃點蛋捲。」他笑著，如新婚時我吻他之後那般淺笑。
我心裡狠狠跳了一下，原以為古井不波的情緒，因他久違的體貼，而起了絲絲漣漪。
他還是那麼輕易的，可以撩動我的心，我不清楚他怎麼可以混到九點、十點還不去上班，他接收到我的疑惑，也只是淡然一笑，身上簡單的服裝一點兒上班的氣息都沒有。
可能他，也有工作疲乏吧！
也可能他要宣判了，關於那張離婚協議書，看他神色自若的樣子，我默默吃著早餐，幻想著等一下他會說的話。
他會不會乾脆的就離婚了呢？還是在我面前撕了協議書呢？
不可否認的，我的心，傾向後者。
「我升上經理了。」
他的第一句話，出乎我意料，下一句話，卻馬上進入重點，轟得我措手不及，
「工作上的事告一段落，現在要好好處理家裡的事。」
工作是排在家庭之前嗎？我苦笑。
「工作安頓好，我才能給妳安定的家。」
他像在解釋我的疑惑。
「所以，告訴我為什麼要離婚呢？」
他終於問了，臉色變得嚴肅。
他從來沒有用過這種質疑的口氣與我說話，望著他難得的厲色，我竟一句話也說不出來。
「妳覺得我冷淡妳了嗎？」
轉眼，他的態度忽而又變得自嘲，弄得我丈二金剛，「我就知道妳一個人在家老是胡思亂想。」
我和他長談了一整天，數個小時的談話，有五分之四的時間我是在哭的，因為我覺得自己犯了一個滔天大錯，可是有些事，沒有那張離婚協議書，我永遠不會知道。
他說，五年來，他確實每天都是抱著我醒來，只是後來他工作忙，起床時間變早，而我仍沈睡著，不知道罷了，有時他還會親親我的臉，看著我貪懶的睡顏，他不忍心叫醒我。
而擺在盥洗室的漱口杯，他根本搞不清楚小叮噹是他的或Hello Kitty才是他的，他以為粉紅色是女孩子的頻色，所以他一直用著小叮噹的嗽口杯。
原來，我們一直在無形間，做著親密的唇齒交流，可憐了Hello Kitty，擺在那兒沒人用，成了個裝飾品。
早餐，他吃的都是7-11，他承認很想念我做的早餐，可是他不好意思要我每天做給他，他知道我會擠盡腦汁變花樣，他捨不得看我太累。
「我娶妳，是希望妳享福，不是要妳來當女傭的。」
從他這句話開始，我便止不住眼淚。
提到他的衣著，他更是笑我的傻，他看得出來我會為他添新衣服，按顏色花樣在櫃裡整整齊齊的分類擺放，而新婚時期我常幫他搭配，久了他也知道我的喜好，什麼領帶配什麼衣服，他是為我而穿。
至於熱情的早安吻，每天他早在我熟睡間給我了，我卻兀自鑽牛角尖，認為他不需要我的吻。
「你為什麼從不說你愛我呢？」我噙著淚水問他。
「我以為妳知道，否則我們為什麼結婚呢？」
他理所當然回答。
是啊！我知道，我一直都知道，不然我不會嫁給他的，可是既然知道，我又何必強求他說出來呢？
女人都是需要一些愛語滋潤的，我想這就是理由，看著我控訴的眼光，我想他也知道理由了。
「妳做的大菜，很好吃可是那些菜費工夫，也不全是妳喜歡的，所以我寧可妳做些簡單的菜，最好是妳也喜歡吃。」
他一句一句的解釋，又讓我掉了一缸淚水，「妳不喜歡吃辣，因此我要妳少放辣椒，妳不吃內臟，那我也不吃，妳怕胖，所以料理時我希望油加少一點，醬油鹽份高，吃多腎臟負擔大，為了妳我健康著想，調味即可，不必加太多。」
只要是我煮的，他都喜歡，想想每次準備食物給他，他沒有一次不是吃光的，到底為什麼我會覺得抓不住他的胃呢？
所以，我也抓住了他的心嗎？
另一件令我驚訝的事，他真的知道台灣霹靂火的男主角是誰，即使猜得不完全正確。
「是劉文聰嗎？還是那個李正賢呢？晚上在公司加班，同事都會開電視來看，所以我多少也知道一點。」他撫去我臉上淚痕，笑問：「妳也在看嗎？」
「嗯。」我又想哭了，我真是小覷了那個節目的收視率。
「當上經理之後會比較少加班，那我們就一起看。」
他說得輕鬆，我卻鼻頭一陣酸楚。
我在意的，其實不是看什麼節目，管他行政院長、立法院長是誰，沒有他在身邊，看什麼都索然無味。
我發現，只要願意，兩個人什麼事都可以談，連我跟他解釋台灣霹靂火的劇情，一路聊到整容話題，他也聽得津津有味。
是我，是我封閉了自己，以為他不願意聽我說話、不願意對我說話。
他心疼我一個人在家裡，聊公司裡的事怕悶壞我，又見我一副不想搭理他的樣子，他每天只能摸摸一鼻子的灰。
無論他跟我說什麼，我都是愛聽的，可是我現在才讓他知道，夫妻兩浪費了幾年的時間在這種誤解之間打轉，他活該，我也活該。
「我很少看新聞，都不知道國家最近發生了什麼事。」
我這句話出口得有些抱怨。
「好，我以後每天當妳的新聞台。」他溫柔的笑了。
聊到生孩子的事，他先是一陣默然。
「我想生一個孩子。」這時候，我有勇氣說出口了。
「我以為妳不想，剛結婚那一陣子，妳不是一直吃避孕藥嗎？」難得聽到他有些怪罪的語氣。
進一步了解之後，我才發現，他一直知道我在吃藥，或許是我哪次把藥隨便擱在化粧台上，被他看到了，他徹底了解我不想要孩子。
而他也知道，我吃完藥隔天會有水腫的現象，身子骨纖細的我，一雙腳腫得跟象腿一樣，也只有我這種人的鴕鳥心態，才會認為他不會發現。
後來我養成習慣將藥好好放在抽屜中，他以為我不再吃，怕身子水腫難受，所以他戴起保險套，說來說去，還是為了我。
「妳又水腫了嗎？一直哭個不停，是想把身體裡的水逼出來嗎？」
他居然敢揶揄我，免不了得到我飽以老拳。
他還是想要孩子的，聽完我說想生孩子，他眼下興奮的光芒大大的告訴我這一點。
只不過，那抹光芒在閃爍之後隨即斂去，他又正襟危坐的問了我一個問題。
「妳真的想生嗎？」
「想啊！我一個人在家好無聊。」
「只是因為無聊嗎？如果一個人在家無聊，妳想出去學東西、去工作、和朋友 去逛街，我不會阻撓妳。」
「你不是也想嗎？」我生氣了，縱然淚眼婆娑沒什麼說服力。
他開始說起那個四千兩百公克的巨嬰，原來那名女性朋友的經驗不僅嚇到我，也嚇到他了。
他不希望我生孩子還要受極大的痛苦，什麼剖腹產、自然產，他一點概念也沒有，只知道一定會很痛，他明白我怕痛，所以他捨棄了生孩子的想法。
「我不管，我要生。」明瞭了他的想法後，我更希望替他生一個孩子，身體裡流著我和他血液的孩子。
「那就生吧！」他悄悄的在我耳邊說了一句令我臉紅的話。
「你這麼有精力，不是上班很累嗎？」
我狐疑他話裡的真實性。
經他解釋，我才恍然大悟，就算工作累，他偶爾也有慾望，有時晚上摟著我，又看我睡得香甜，這種看得到吃不到的痛苦，他只能鬱鬱的悶在自己心裡，
面對他的心意，我，真的無言了。
在我像兩顆水蜜桃的雙眼略為消腫後，他催我換衣服，帶我出門。
已經好久沒和他一起出遊了，在兩人間的冷淡破冰後，坐在他身邊竟也給我當初戀愛的感覺。
我凝望著他專心駕駛的側臉，將他的動作姿態深深刻在心裡，因為我差點忘了，我和他之間還橫著一個問題，那張離婚協議書。
我要一輩子記住他的模樣，如果他最後仍是簽了名，可是，他應該不會簽吧！
否則，他何必和我討論生孩子的事。
「到了。」他停車，我也隨之下車。
海風迎面吹來，是淡水。
他也記得這個地方，這個我們記憶珍藏的地方。
「我一直想帶妳來，可是妳假日都和朋友出門，我只好蒙著棉被在家睡覺。」他如此說道。
這是個什麼烏龍呢？
我體諒他工作累，他體諒我和朋友出門，就這樣我們錯過了，一次又一次的相伴。
「你以後想幹什麼，可以直接說。」我惱火的盯著他。
「妳也是。」他正經八百的回視我，言下之意是要我別五十步笑百步。
說來也好笑，我們一直認為自己是在為對方著想，以自己的方式去體貼對方，這種自以為是卻導致了無數個陰錯陽差，一直到我開始懷疑自己不愛他，他也不愛我了，才驚覺這份愛並不是消逝，而是溶入了生活之中，自然的讓人忘了它的存在。
愛情的表現，可以是黏膩、親熱、奉獻、祝福，甚至是退讓，每個人的方式不同，會導致的結果各異。
我的方式是盲目的付出，他的方式是全然的關懷，乍看之下兩個人都沒錯，可是無論什麼方式，中間少了一種叫「溝通」的元素，就容易導致裂痕。
我們的婚姻，就是建築在這種缺乏溝通的空中樓閣之上，嫁給這個男人五年了，我以為我漸漸的不愛他，但只是一番簡單的剖白心意，我對他所有的愛再度復活，甚而轉濃。
女人會因男人長久的冷落而對愛情失望，也可以因男人一句話又對愛情充滿希望，
我不想和他離婚，一點兒也不想，當初硬著頭皮簽下名，或許只是賭氣，只是要他正眼看看我。
可是 ……
「那、那張離婚協議書……。」我要收回來。
「在公司裡。」他好整以暇，「公司的碎紙機裡。」
這個意思是… …？
「妳想離婚，等我成為亡夫時再說吧！」
我估量不出他說這句話，是不是在開玩笑，不過他又騙到我的淚水。
他真的很愛我，即使他沒有說過，我想如果我堅持離婚，他會放我走的，他捨不得見我難過，就像他見我掉淚又趕快摟住我一樣。
倘若，是他想離婚呢？
恕我自私，我是堅決不會放的，除非等我變成亡妻，同樣因為他捨不得見我難過，我自信可以留住他。
「淡水整個都變了，我都快不認識了。」
哄完了我，他連忙帶開話題。
「我來過，我知道有什麼景點。」
「那這次就要靠妳帶路囉！」
是啊！我們可以開創新的回憶，只要有我也有他，什麼時間地點都不成問題。
結婚五年，
我又發現了一次愛情。
Friday, November 6, 2009
Thursday, November 5, 2009
The race of relationships
I previously wrote about the chronology of friendships. Although the situation has arguably taken a turn for the worse, I still believe that there shouldn't be any first-in-first-served policy. Can the same be said about romantic relationships?
We live in a monogamist society. Two-timers are met with a certain degree of scorn and are generally looked down upon. Well, at least in my circle. I have friends who view those already in a relationship as untouchables. Ashamedly, I do not have such a staunch attitude. I tend to weigh up how attractive the guy is with how well I know his girlfriend. The scales occassionally tip the wrong way.
I suppose, by saying using the word, I've already named the right and wrong for these situations. The question is, what makes romantic relationships distinct from friendships so as to warrant differential treatment?
Perhaps the distinguishing factor is the exclusitivity of romance. Between two lovers, there is no room for a third party. While you can have numerous close friends, you should only have one partner. The entrace of someone new therefore implies that another has lost his/her place. Because of this, one must tread carefully in these waters.
Tread carefully, yes. But that doesn't necessarily mean it's out-of-bounds. Before either party has exchanged vows with another (it admittedly gets more complicated after that), there is still a right of choice. Dating is an opportunity to try things out before the final decision, so it's quite natural to make a few mistakes along the way. These mistakes should be corrected, and if it takes ending one relationship to test another, then so be it. As long as you've weighed up the situation, and think it's worth it.
Similarly goes the other side of the story. Your dream lover may not notice there is someone better out there unless you let him/her know.
Perhaps this makes me sound immoral or inconsiderate. And you are, of course, entitled to different, even opposing, views. There is indeed more to consider in romantic relationships than in friendships. But it's still not an issue of who gets there first. A relationship is not a race.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Playlist: <<氫氣球>> 蔡卓妍
I only just noticed the lyrics to this song. Very interesting metaphor, likening a relationship to holding onto a helium balloon.
---
不敢跟你投訴 我每天心底的惶恐
不想給你電話 原是你聲線冷又凍
若我那些煩惱絲剪去 能為你織成半匹布
時常為念掛你 而磨蝕了體重
手中氫氣球 要浮上半空只因心頭很高
可惜飛上上空 隨時自爆使你我亦痛
若你太輕浮太想高飛 而難道我只能死心塌地
~ 如無力獨佔你 就試着放開你 ~
微雨裡停在馬路口
輕輕一笑 氣球放開手
~ 彼此都有了自由 ~ 不必擔心失去
最灑脫是沒擁有
忘記你前路繼續
走衷心祝你 暢遊全宇宙
讓我的一切畏懼掛念浮上那雲層極厚
一起走過城市 常怕滿街小偷將你牽走
很想裝作強者 然而自信心永遠未足夠
~ 若你太輕浮太想高飛 而難道我只能死心塌地 ~
如無力獨佔你 就試着放開你
微雨裡停在馬路口
輕輕一笑 氣球放開手
彼此都有了自由 不必擔心失去
最灑脫是沒擁有
忘記你前路繼續走
~ 衷心祝你 暢遊全宇宙 ~
讓我的一切畏懼掛念浮上那雲外飛走
微雨裡停在馬路口
天空海濶 氣球要飛走
彼此都有了自由 不必擔心失去
~ 最灑脫是沒擁有 ~
談情說愛常沒法白首
拋得開我又再換個對手
在這天找到勇氣以後忘記你才是得救
---
~ If I know I can't have you to myself, I'll try to let you go ~
~ Now we both have freedom ~
~ If you want to float away to greater heights, is being hopelessly devoted all I can do? ~
~ Sincerely wishing that you will traverse the entire universe ~
~ Most carefree when I don't have anything ~
---
Once again, a (half)Twins song probably isn't the best to live by. But it works.
---
不敢跟你投訴 我每天心底的惶恐
不想給你電話 原是你聲線冷又凍
若我那些煩惱絲剪去 能為你織成半匹布
時常為念掛你 而磨蝕了體重
手中氫氣球 要浮上半空只因心頭很高
可惜飛上上空 隨時自爆使你我亦痛
若你太輕浮太想高飛 而難道我只能死心塌地
~ 如無力獨佔你 就試着放開你 ~
微雨裡停在馬路口
輕輕一笑 氣球放開手
~ 彼此都有了自由 ~ 不必擔心失去
最灑脫是沒擁有
忘記你前路繼續
走衷心祝你 暢遊全宇宙
讓我的一切畏懼掛念浮上那雲層極厚
一起走過城市 常怕滿街小偷將你牽走
很想裝作強者 然而自信心永遠未足夠
~ 若你太輕浮太想高飛 而難道我只能死心塌地 ~
如無力獨佔你 就試着放開你
微雨裡停在馬路口
輕輕一笑 氣球放開手
彼此都有了自由 不必擔心失去
最灑脫是沒擁有
忘記你前路繼續走
~ 衷心祝你 暢遊全宇宙 ~
讓我的一切畏懼掛念浮上那雲外飛走
微雨裡停在馬路口
天空海濶 氣球要飛走
彼此都有了自由 不必擔心失去
~ 最灑脫是沒擁有 ~
談情說愛常沒法白首
拋得開我又再換個對手
在這天找到勇氣以後忘記你才是得救
---
~ If I know I can't have you to myself, I'll try to let you go ~
~ Now we both have freedom ~
~ If you want to float away to greater heights, is being hopelessly devoted all I can do? ~
~ Sincerely wishing that you will traverse the entire universe ~
~ Most carefree when I don't have anything ~
---
Once again, a (half)Twins song probably isn't the best to live by. But it works.
A gateway to Narnia
No, I didn't just randomly take a picture of a speed camera sign.
For some reason, I've always believed that this could be a doorway to Narnia. Most mornings, on my way to the station, I would purposely walk under the sign, in the hope that it'll whisk me away to that magical land.
It hasn't worked as of yet, but it doesn't hurt to believe. Right?
For some reason, I've always believed that this could be a doorway to Narnia. Most mornings, on my way to the station, I would purposely walk under the sign, in the hope that it'll whisk me away to that magical land.
It hasn't worked as of yet, but it doesn't hurt to believe. Right?
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Playlist: "Thinking of You" Katy Perry
Comparisons are easily done once you've had a taste of perfection
Like an apple hanging from a tree I picked the ripest one
~ I still got the seed ~
You said move on where do I go?
I guess second best is all I will know
Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you
~ Thinking of you ~
What you would do if you were the one who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I was looking into your eyes
You're like an Indian summer in the middle of winter
~ Like a hard candy with a surprise center ~
How do I get better once I've had the best
You said there's tons of fish in the water
So the waters I will test
He kissed my lips I taste your mouth
He pulled me in I was disgusted with myself
Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if you were the one who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I was looking into...
You're the best and yes I do regret
How I could let myself let you go
Now the lesson's learned
~ I touched it I was burned ~
Oh I think you should know
Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if you were the one who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I was looking into your eyes
~ Looking into your eyes ~
Looking into your eyes
Oh won't you walk through
And bust in the door and ~ take me away ~
Oh no more mistakes
~ Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay ~
Stay...
---
I used to wonder whether you could openly use this song to represent your feelings. Surely, it'd be too cruel to the poor guy you are now with?
Perhaps, if you don't care enough about what your new beau thinks, then it's problem solved.
Like an apple hanging from a tree I picked the ripest one
~ I still got the seed ~
You said move on where do I go?
I guess second best is all I will know
Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you
~ Thinking of you ~
What you would do if you were the one who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I was looking into your eyes
You're like an Indian summer in the middle of winter
~ Like a hard candy with a surprise center ~
How do I get better once I've had the best
You said there's tons of fish in the water
So the waters I will test
He kissed my lips I taste your mouth
He pulled me in I was disgusted with myself
Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if you were the one who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I was looking into...
You're the best and yes I do regret
How I could let myself let you go
Now the lesson's learned
~ I touched it I was burned ~
Oh I think you should know
Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if you were the one who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I was looking into your eyes
~ Looking into your eyes ~
Looking into your eyes
Oh won't you walk through
And bust in the door and ~ take me away ~
Oh no more mistakes
~ Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay ~
Stay...
---
I used to wonder whether you could openly use this song to represent your feelings. Surely, it'd be too cruel to the poor guy you are now with?
Perhaps, if you don't care enough about what your new beau thinks, then it's problem solved.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
The backdrop unchanged
I have recently been reminded of a simple Chinese poem I learnt in my younger days.
---
<<題城都南庄>> 唐 崔護
去年今日此門中
人面桃花相映紅
人面不知何處去
桃花依舊笑春風
---
I don't remember how I was taught to interpret it at the time. But apparently, the poet is deeply saddened that, although the flowers are still in bloom a year later, the lady's face is nowhere to be seen.
Though my Chinese isn't tops, I have developed my own appreciation for this short poem. In fact, I see quite a different attitude coming from this simple verse.
The poet returns to the same place a year later. The lady is gone, yet the flowers are still abloom. To add to the story, the birds still sing, the sun still shines.
In the stage that is life, people come and go. Someone may stumble in unexpectedly, perhaps stay with you for a while, then exit when the time comes. But the backdrop doesn't change. Life goes on.
So the poet wasn't saddened that the lady was no longer there. Rather, I imagine him giving a wistful smile as he gazes at the doorway, happy to see the rosy pink peach blossoms and content that, hereafter, they will remind him of that beautiful lady who once stood under them.
---
<<題城都南庄>> 唐 崔護
去年今日此門中
人面桃花相映紅
人面不知何處去
桃花依舊笑春風
---
I don't remember how I was taught to interpret it at the time. But apparently, the poet is deeply saddened that, although the flowers are still in bloom a year later, the lady's face is nowhere to be seen.
Though my Chinese isn't tops, I have developed my own appreciation for this short poem. In fact, I see quite a different attitude coming from this simple verse.
The poet returns to the same place a year later. The lady is gone, yet the flowers are still abloom. To add to the story, the birds still sing, the sun still shines.
In the stage that is life, people come and go. Someone may stumble in unexpectedly, perhaps stay with you for a while, then exit when the time comes. But the backdrop doesn't change. Life goes on.
So the poet wasn't saddened that the lady was no longer there. Rather, I imagine him giving a wistful smile as he gazes at the doorway, happy to see the rosy pink peach blossoms and content that, hereafter, they will remind him of that beautiful lady who once stood under them.
Monday, October 19, 2009
The return of the milkman
A man with a Scottish (?) accent rang our doorbell a few weeks ago, and introduced himself as the new milkman in the area. He took me quite by surprise, because I didn't think milkmen still existed.
Apparently, a company called Aussie Farmers Direct were offering regular delivery services of milk, bread, butter and the like to our area. It all sounded pretty exciting, so I ordered a few things.
It was only after I gave Mr Milkman my credit card details that I realised this could all be a scam. The fact that they had a website made me feel slightly more secure, but I decided to monitor my credit card transactions just in case. Luckily, no shady transactions has appeared on my statement.
And today, I received a confirmation email re my first order, due next Monday. They have a really convenient online change-your-order system. It seems to be a genuine service after all.
Now I just have to wait for my first delivery to come through!
Apparently, a company called Aussie Farmers Direct were offering regular delivery services of milk, bread, butter and the like to our area. It all sounded pretty exciting, so I ordered a few things.
It was only after I gave Mr Milkman my credit card details that I realised this could all be a scam. The fact that they had a website made me feel slightly more secure, but I decided to monitor my credit card transactions just in case. Luckily, no shady transactions has appeared on my statement.
And today, I received a confirmation email re my first order, due next Monday. They have a really convenient online change-your-order system. It seems to be a genuine service after all.
Now I just have to wait for my first delivery to come through!
Saturday, October 17, 2009
A gift in tatters
The article "Growing Pains" in the October 10 issue of The Economist talked about the issue of teenage pregnancies in America and how the states were trying to prevent them.
In Texas, since the state only requires the schools to emphasise abstinence, 94% of districts did not discuss contraceptive methods. Those that did were often erroneous or misleading.
One way they use to drive the message across is through shaming:
"One district stages a skit about a young couple on their honeymoon. The husband presented his bride with a beautiful wrapped present that he had been saving for years. Her gift for him was in tatters."
This passage really got me thinking about the issue of pre-marital sex. How condemned is it in contemporary society? How important is it to be a virgin till that special day?
I would think that, with so many people in de facto relationships, pre-marital sex is quite common. But given that such a relationship is recognised legally, perhaps it doesn't count as pre-marital sex. Regardless, does its common occurrence make it OK?
Here, as is the case with most things, there isn't a clear defining line separating wrong from right. I don't think the notions of impurity are as prominent nowadays. A girl's sexual history is more a reflection of her attitudes towards sexual relationships.
Context plays an important role. A girl who lost her virginity to a long-term boyfriend would (or, at least, should) be regarded differently to one who has had more sexual partners than she can remember.
And what if the roles were reversed? What if the wife's present was well-preserved, but the husband's was in shreds? I don't think a story like this would have much effect at all.
I'm going to skip the feminist arguments about lack of equality and all that. They're given. Double standards exist. What I'm more interested in is this: What does society expect to happen?
If pre-marital sex is alright for guys, but not for girls, then who are these guys meant to have sex with? Married women? Or perhaps, each other?
Go figure.
In Texas, since the state only requires the schools to emphasise abstinence, 94% of districts did not discuss contraceptive methods. Those that did were often erroneous or misleading.
One way they use to drive the message across is through shaming:
"One district stages a skit about a young couple on their honeymoon. The husband presented his bride with a beautiful wrapped present that he had been saving for years. Her gift for him was in tatters."
This passage really got me thinking about the issue of pre-marital sex. How condemned is it in contemporary society? How important is it to be a virgin till that special day?
I would think that, with so many people in de facto relationships, pre-marital sex is quite common. But given that such a relationship is recognised legally, perhaps it doesn't count as pre-marital sex. Regardless, does its common occurrence make it OK?
Here, as is the case with most things, there isn't a clear defining line separating wrong from right. I don't think the notions of impurity are as prominent nowadays. A girl's sexual history is more a reflection of her attitudes towards sexual relationships.
Context plays an important role. A girl who lost her virginity to a long-term boyfriend would (or, at least, should) be regarded differently to one who has had more sexual partners than she can remember.
And what if the roles were reversed? What if the wife's present was well-preserved, but the husband's was in shreds? I don't think a story like this would have much effect at all.
I'm going to skip the feminist arguments about lack of equality and all that. They're given. Double standards exist. What I'm more interested in is this: What does society expect to happen?
If pre-marital sex is alright for guys, but not for girls, then who are these guys meant to have sex with? Married women? Or perhaps, each other?
Go figure.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
The jacaranda timekeeper
As I was walking through the Quad the other day, I stopped to admire our famous jacaranda tree. The purple blossoms created a nice contrast against the brown bricks and the green grass.
I then felt a creative spell, so I sat down in one of the arches and began to write.
An air of serenity hung in the air of this ancient building, and I felt such contentment to just sit there and let my mind wander.
There's an old myth that if you haven't yet began to study before the jacaranda's first bloom, you're going to fail. My Torts lecturer once commented that, due to global warming, the first bloom has occurred earlier and earlier each year.
I sure hope he's right.
I then felt a creative spell, so I sat down in one of the arches and began to write.
An air of serenity hung in the air of this ancient building, and I felt such contentment to just sit there and let my mind wander.
There's an old myth that if you haven't yet began to study before the jacaranda's first bloom, you're going to fail. My Torts lecturer once commented that, due to global warming, the first bloom has occurred earlier and earlier each year.
I sure hope he's right.
Playlist: "Nothing's Gonna Change My Love for You" 方大同
Khalil Fong's version of Glenn Medeiros's song seems quite sufficient to melt anyone's heart.
---
If I had to live my life without you near me
The days would all be empty
The nights would seem so long
With you I see forever oh so clearly
I might have been in love before
~ But it never felt this strong ~
Our dreams are young and we both know
They'll take us where we want to go
Hold me now, touch me now
~ I don't want to live without you ~
Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought to know by now how much I love you
One thing you can be sure of
~ I'll never ask for more than your love ~
Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought to know by now how much I love you
The world may change my whole life through
But nothing's gonna change my love for you
If the road ahead is not so easy
~ Our love will lead the way for us ~
Like a guiding star
I'll be there for you if you should need me
You don't have to change a thing
~ I love you just the way you are ~
So come with me and share the view
I'll help you see forever too
Hold me now, touch me now
I don't want to live without you
~ Nothing's gonna change my love for you ~
You ought to know by now how much I love you
One thing you can be sure of
I'll never ask for more than your love
Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought to know by now how much I love you
The world may change my whole life through
But nothing's gonna change my love for...
Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought to know by now how much I love you
One thing you can be sure of
I'll never ask for more than your love
Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought to know by now how much I love you
The world may change my whole life through
But nothing's gonna change my love for you
---
If I had to live my life without you near me
The days would all be empty
The nights would seem so long
With you I see forever oh so clearly
I might have been in love before
~ But it never felt this strong ~
Our dreams are young and we both know
They'll take us where we want to go
Hold me now, touch me now
~ I don't want to live without you ~
Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought to know by now how much I love you
One thing you can be sure of
~ I'll never ask for more than your love ~
Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought to know by now how much I love you
The world may change my whole life through
But nothing's gonna change my love for you
If the road ahead is not so easy
~ Our love will lead the way for us ~
Like a guiding star
I'll be there for you if you should need me
You don't have to change a thing
~ I love you just the way you are ~
So come with me and share the view
I'll help you see forever too
Hold me now, touch me now
I don't want to live without you
~ Nothing's gonna change my love for you ~
You ought to know by now how much I love you
One thing you can be sure of
I'll never ask for more than your love
Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought to know by now how much I love you
The world may change my whole life through
But nothing's gonna change my love for...
Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought to know by now how much I love you
One thing you can be sure of
I'll never ask for more than your love
Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought to know by now how much I love you
The world may change my whole life through
But nothing's gonna change my love for you
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Blogwatch: "Doubt" (All Men are Liars)
Sam de Brito posted an interesting entry a few days back re commitment in relationships. He ended it with:
"Doubts are natural. Commitment to see past them is what matters."
I just wonder how applicable this belief is to a late-teens/early-twenties relationship.
I think it's true that one has to work for a relationship. It would be naive to think that you would be able to find the perfect partner and everything will automatically click into place. You have to work over differences and compromise.
So I suppose the idea is, if the doubts are just niggling thoughts, then one should really just man up and face the difficulties.
But what about for younger relationships? At an age before permanently settling down is in mind, is it such a shame to let it go if things aren't naturally spic-span perfect?
I've been told that youth is the perfect opportunity to try things out, to experience life and to just have as much fun as possible. It is really that important, then, to hold on to something you have doubt for?
Yet there are two sides to every argument.
Youth can be an opportunity to learn about commitment, to practise the art of compromise and to rehearse life-after-vows.
Relationships are fascinating things. Success requires not just a coincidence of hearts, but of mentality and values. At the end of the day, it depends on the weight you place on the relationship, as opposed to what you may gain without it.
It depends on whether you're willing to create that coincidence, or whether you're happy to just let it go.
"Doubts are natural. Commitment to see past them is what matters."
I just wonder how applicable this belief is to a late-teens/early-twenties relationship.
I think it's true that one has to work for a relationship. It would be naive to think that you would be able to find the perfect partner and everything will automatically click into place. You have to work over differences and compromise.
So I suppose the idea is, if the doubts are just niggling thoughts, then one should really just man up and face the difficulties.
But what about for younger relationships? At an age before permanently settling down is in mind, is it such a shame to let it go if things aren't naturally spic-span perfect?
I've been told that youth is the perfect opportunity to try things out, to experience life and to just have as much fun as possible. It is really that important, then, to hold on to something you have doubt for?
Yet there are two sides to every argument.
Youth can be an opportunity to learn about commitment, to practise the art of compromise and to rehearse life-after-vows.
Relationships are fascinating things. Success requires not just a coincidence of hearts, but of mentality and values. At the end of the day, it depends on the weight you place on the relationship, as opposed to what you may gain without it.
It depends on whether you're willing to create that coincidence, or whether you're happy to just let it go.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
An opportunity to shine
In Hong Kong's music industry, those people you see/hear regularly directing vocal sounds into a microphone can be divided into two categories: singers and idols.
I've always enjoyed listening to Ella Koon's songs. However, she was always put in the "idols" basket, and that's how I viewed her. The focus was often her romances, her looks and her sex appeal, while her singing was disregarded.
It took a chance occurrence for the public to recognise Ella's musical abilities. A contestant of the amateur singing competition 超級巨聲 invited Ella to sing the duet "Endless Love" with him.
It's difficult to say whether or not it was a good choice of partner. Ella totally stole the show. Ella's strong voice is more suited to the likes of "Endless Love", rather than the Cantopop songs she usually sings. Mark Lui, speaking as one of the judges, commented more on Ella's singing than the contestant's.
From the moment that competition aired, the public suddenly recognised Ella's talent, and re-categorised her as a singer. It may have seemed beforehand like an . Because Ella had been working on her singing, despite it being disregarded, this seemingly insignificant 3-minute performance may well be the turning point of her career.
Opportunities arise in small things here and there, and we may not always recognise them for what they are. It is only if we are always prepared for them that we can grab hold and make use of them.
It may seem like I'm jumping on the bandwagon, but I'm glad that Ella is being recognised for what she can do.
I've always enjoyed listening to Ella Koon's songs. However, she was always put in the "idols" basket, and that's how I viewed her. The focus was often her romances, her looks and her sex appeal, while her singing was disregarded.
It took a chance occurrence for the public to recognise Ella's musical abilities. A contestant of the amateur singing competition 超級巨聲 invited Ella to sing the duet "Endless Love" with him.
It's difficult to say whether or not it was a good choice of partner. Ella totally stole the show. Ella's strong voice is more suited to the likes of "Endless Love", rather than the Cantopop songs she usually sings. Mark Lui, speaking as one of the judges, commented more on Ella's singing than the contestant's.
From the moment that competition aired, the public suddenly recognised Ella's talent, and re-categorised her as a singer. It may have seemed beforehand like an . Because Ella had been working on her singing, despite it being disregarded, this seemingly insignificant 3-minute performance may well be the turning point of her career.
Opportunities arise in small things here and there, and we may not always recognise them for what they are. It is only if we are always prepared for them that we can grab hold and make use of them.
It may seem like I'm jumping on the bandwagon, but I'm glad that Ella is being recognised for what she can do.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
The Powerpuff Girls!
For some reason, my childhood love for the Powerpuff Girls has been reignited. Unfortunately, I have very little recollection of the episodes. In the past week or so, I have resorted to watching the entire series again on youtube.
By far my favourite of the girls is Bubbles. She's so cute and innocent, yet can be tough when the occasion calls for it.
Rather coincidentally, I roam the university in a group of 3 girls. The other day, we were bored in class and decided to each adopt one of the Powerpuff Girls as ourselves.
Before leaving the classroom, I decided to leave our mark on the whiteboard.
Pity I didn't have all the appropriate colours.
A dash of colour
One of my favourite types of flowers would have to be the calla lily. I have a few white ones growing in the garden, and I admire them for their elegance and air of sophistication.
The other day, I was gazing out at the flowers and I noticed a dash of red in the white petal one lily flower.
My first thought was that the flower was bleeding.
Upon closer inspection, however, it was revealed that a rose petal from the neighbouring plant had fallen into it.
And so, by chance, a beautiful dash of vibrancy was added to the grace of the calla.
The other day, I was gazing out at the flowers and I noticed a dash of red in the white petal one lily flower.
My first thought was that the flower was bleeding.
Upon closer inspection, however, it was revealed that a rose petal from the neighbouring plant had fallen into it.
And so, by chance, a beautiful dash of vibrancy was added to the grace of the calla.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Jealousy
Jealousy is a funny thing. It's the source of many a dispute between couples, and justifies (at least to one party) the most ludicrous of accusations. So how far you have to go to reach the realms of unreasonable jealousy?
Thinking back to times when I've felt this green emotion wash over me, I realise that it often is pretty ridiculous. There are those times where it may be understandable that I felt jealous, but my mind would scold myself for being overly possessive. In some cases, it is totally unjustified, such that it is embarrassing to even recall.
I have to confess to feeling uneasy about my boyfriend's previous relationships. I suppose that is not uncommon, which is why people are often advised not to mention their exes to their partner. But from a rational perspective, why should there be any discomfort if you truly believe they're over and done with?
Perhaps there's an element of competition, a pressure to at least live up to their standards.
I do recall a particularly ridiculous incident. There is a girl whom I've always been weary about, even though she was never in a relationship with my boyfriend. She wasn't totally unrelated, but it definitely wasn't enough to justify jealousy. Once, I was in class with her and she pulled out her phone. I thought it was the same model as my boyfriend's new phone, and this feeling of unease crept through me.
I later realised it wasn't the same model after all, but that's besides the point. Whatever the model of the phone, it certainly did not warrant jealousy. I remember telling myself off (in my head, of course) for being silly, and soon managed to stamp out the feeling. What bothers me, though, is that the feeling got there in the first place.
Perhaps I'm a lot more possessive than I'd like to admit.
Thinking back to times when I've felt this green emotion wash over me, I realise that it often is pretty ridiculous. There are those times where it may be understandable that I felt jealous, but my mind would scold myself for being overly possessive. In some cases, it is totally unjustified, such that it is embarrassing to even recall.
I have to confess to feeling uneasy about my boyfriend's previous relationships. I suppose that is not uncommon, which is why people are often advised not to mention their exes to their partner. But from a rational perspective, why should there be any discomfort if you truly believe they're over and done with?
Perhaps there's an element of competition, a pressure to at least live up to their standards.
I do recall a particularly ridiculous incident. There is a girl whom I've always been weary about, even though she was never in a relationship with my boyfriend. She wasn't totally unrelated, but it definitely wasn't enough to justify jealousy. Once, I was in class with her and she pulled out her phone. I thought it was the same model as my boyfriend's new phone, and this feeling of unease crept through me.
I later realised it wasn't the same model after all, but that's besides the point. Whatever the model of the phone, it certainly did not warrant jealousy. I remember telling myself off (in my head, of course) for being silly, and soon managed to stamp out the feeling. What bothers me, though, is that the feeling got there in the first place.
Perhaps I'm a lot more possessive than I'd like to admit.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Dramaroll: "The Greatness of a Hero"
Having run out of new drama episodes for the midsem break, I decided to dig out the dramas I had put aside earlier in the year.
My search led me to warehoused drama <<盛世仁傑>>, which I had given up on after several episodes. However, a few people have recommended it to me, and so I thought I might give it a second chance.
It didn't disappoint (aside from the fact that it only relieved my boredom for two days). The most interesting thing was the chemistry between Kent Cheng and Sonija Kwok. From a purely physical perspective, I could never have imagined Kent to be an appropriate match for the most beautiful Miss Hong Kong (in my opinion, of course).
Here be Sonjia:
And here be Kent:
Yet despite the physical incompatibility and the age gap, their characters 狄仁傑 and 曹月 were by far the most convincing and touching couple of the entire series.
I love it when something non-generic springs from TVB.
My search led me to warehoused drama <<盛世仁傑>>, which I had given up on after several episodes. However, a few people have recommended it to me, and so I thought I might give it a second chance.
It didn't disappoint (aside from the fact that it only relieved my boredom for two days). The most interesting thing was the chemistry between Kent Cheng and Sonija Kwok. From a purely physical perspective, I could never have imagined Kent to be an appropriate match for the most beautiful Miss Hong Kong (in my opinion, of course).
Here be Sonjia:
And here be Kent:
Yet despite the physical incompatibility and the age gap, their characters 狄仁傑 and 曹月 were by far the most convincing and touching couple of the entire series.
I love it when something non-generic springs from TVB.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Playlist: <<多謝失戀>> Twins
回頭是場空 大地回冬 初分手數天 總會痛
仍然在途中 ~ 只好相信 雨過後有彩紅 ~
曾落空 先知我 因為愛 曾經多英勇
曾為愛上你面紅 夠我閉上大門 在慶功
全靠當天喜歡過錯的人 今天先會自我解窘
~ 明白小小的失戀不害人 更加添我成熟感 ~
無法一起都總算愛過些人 借過你體溫 練習擁吻
留下你合照細望 才知道 我跟他人更合襯
從前學年中 自命情種 ~ 一出手 愛得比較重 ~
來年換時空 應該長進 再愛定更松容
曾撞板 先知我 因為愛 曾經多失控
回望過去也面紅 愛上你似漫遊 外太空
全靠當天喜歡過錯的人 今天先會自我解窘
明白小小的失戀不害人 更加添我成熟感
無法一起都總算愛過些人 ~ 借過你體溫 練習擁吻 ~
留下你合照細望 才知道 我跟他人更合襯
全靠當天喜歡過錯的人 今天先會自我解窘
~ 無論初戀多麼的感動人 更好的愛前面等 ~
無法一起都總算愛過些人 借過你體溫 練習擁吻
明白要讓我這樣年輕過 至懂得誰最合襯
---
~ I can only believe that a rainbow follows the rain ~
~ Understanding that a small break up is harmless - it just makes me more mature ~
~ Once I loved, I loved too deeply ~
~ Borrowed the warmth of your body for practice ~
~ No matter how touching the first love is, a better one awaits ahead ~
---
I'm not sure whether living by a Twins song is all that advisable, but the attitude seems a healthy one.
Perhaps the perfect teenage gospel.
仍然在途中 ~ 只好相信 雨過後有彩紅 ~
曾落空 先知我 因為愛 曾經多英勇
曾為愛上你面紅 夠我閉上大門 在慶功
全靠當天喜歡過錯的人 今天先會自我解窘
~ 明白小小的失戀不害人 更加添我成熟感 ~
無法一起都總算愛過些人 借過你體溫 練習擁吻
留下你合照細望 才知道 我跟他人更合襯
從前學年中 自命情種 ~ 一出手 愛得比較重 ~
來年換時空 應該長進 再愛定更松容
曾撞板 先知我 因為愛 曾經多失控
回望過去也面紅 愛上你似漫遊 外太空
全靠當天喜歡過錯的人 今天先會自我解窘
明白小小的失戀不害人 更加添我成熟感
無法一起都總算愛過些人 ~ 借過你體溫 練習擁吻 ~
留下你合照細望 才知道 我跟他人更合襯
全靠當天喜歡過錯的人 今天先會自我解窘
~ 無論初戀多麼的感動人 更好的愛前面等 ~
無法一起都總算愛過些人 借過你體溫 練習擁吻
明白要讓我這樣年輕過 至懂得誰最合襯
---
~ I can only believe that a rainbow follows the rain ~
~ Understanding that a small break up is harmless - it just makes me more mature ~
~ Once I loved, I loved too deeply ~
~ Borrowed the warmth of your body for practice ~
~ No matter how touching the first love is, a better one awaits ahead ~
---
I'm not sure whether living by a Twins song is all that advisable, but the attitude seems a healthy one.
Perhaps the perfect teenage gospel.
Ed Westwick's British accent!
By far my favourite non-Asian onscreen male is Gossip Girl's Chuck Bass, played by British actor Ed Westwick.
His charisma just oozes off the screen to melt all my insides.
Before today, I had only ever heard him speak in an American accent on the show. But a bit of browsing has revealed to me his sexy British speak in an interview with his girlfriend, Jessica Szohr.
How can you not love him?
His charisma just oozes off the screen to melt all my insides.
Before today, I had only ever heard him speak in an American accent on the show. But a bit of browsing has revealed to me his sexy British speak in an interview with his girlfriend, Jessica Szohr.
How can you not love him?
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Playlist: "Hopelessly Devoted to You" Olivia Newton John
Guess mine is not the first heart broken
My eyes are not the first to cry
I'm not the first to know
There's just no gettin' over you
Hello, I'm just a fool who's willing
To sit around and wait for you
But baby can't you see
There's nothin' else for me to do
~ I'm hopelessly devoted to you ~
But now there's nowhere to hide
Since you pushed my love aside
I'm out of my head
Hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you
My head is saying, "Fool, forget him"
My heart is saying, "Don't let go"
Hold on to the end
That's what I intend to do
I'm hopelessly devoted to you
But now there's nowhere to hide
Since you pushed my love aside
I'm out in my head
Hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you
My eyes are not the first to cry
I'm not the first to know
There's just no gettin' over you
Hello, I'm just a fool who's willing
To sit around and wait for you
But baby can't you see
There's nothin' else for me to do
~ I'm hopelessly devoted to you ~
But now there's nowhere to hide
Since you pushed my love aside
I'm out of my head
Hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you
My head is saying, "Fool, forget him"
My heart is saying, "Don't let go"
Hold on to the end
That's what I intend to do
I'm hopelessly devoted to you
But now there's nowhere to hide
Since you pushed my love aside
I'm out in my head
Hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you
A happy meal
Today, I bought my first McDonald's Happy Meal for a long while in the hope that it would make me happier.
It didn't quite work.
However, I was pleasantly surprised when I found my favourite Powerpuff Girl amongst my small fries.
It's been so long that I had forgotten Happy Meals came with a toy.
It didn't quite work.
However, I was pleasantly surprised when I found my favourite Powerpuff Girl amongst my small fries.
It's been so long that I had forgotten Happy Meals came with a toy.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
The race of friendship
I recently had a friend ask me if I minded the fact that he had seemingly usurped my place in my group of friends, i.e. he was becoming even closer to them that I was. I shrugged off the issue when he brought it up.
Upon reflection, however, it does seem like something worth thinking through.
I remember a rather awkward confrontation I had with another girl in Year 6. She had just transferred from another school, to find that I had best-befriended her (ex)best-friend. She oh-so-graciously forgave my ignorance about their previous relationship, but demanded that I let them sit next to each other from that day onwards.
Quite taken back, I remember apologising and appeasing her. Afterwards, though, it struck me what a ridiculous request she was making.
Friendships aren't about who gets there first - there's no "first in, first served" policy. Bonds develop quite naturally between people, and factors like personalities, circumstances and experiences will determine how strong these ties are.
Perhaps, if I had quicker reflexes, I would've kindly denied that Year 6 girl her wish. I would've explained to her that friendship is non-transferable. Even if I had wanted to fulfil her desires, there was nothing I could do to restore their best-friendship.
In today's scenario, I'm playing the opposite role, but the same attitude should apply. Friendships develop and change - it's quite inevitable.
If the developments bother me, I should be striving to improve the situation myself. Am I not spending enough time with my friends? Maybe I'm not paying enough attention to what they're up to. Or perhaps we've each moved on to a different stage of our respective lives. Whatever it may be, no one else should have to give way for me to "retain my position".
Does this mentality apply to romantic relationships? Perhaps that's a thought for another day.
Upon reflection, however, it does seem like something worth thinking through.
I remember a rather awkward confrontation I had with another girl in Year 6. She had just transferred from another school, to find that I had best-befriended her (ex)best-friend. She oh-so-graciously forgave my ignorance about their previous relationship, but demanded that I let them sit next to each other from that day onwards.
Quite taken back, I remember apologising and appeasing her. Afterwards, though, it struck me what a ridiculous request she was making.
Friendships aren't about who gets there first - there's no "first in, first served" policy. Bonds develop quite naturally between people, and factors like personalities, circumstances and experiences will determine how strong these ties are.
Perhaps, if I had quicker reflexes, I would've kindly denied that Year 6 girl her wish. I would've explained to her that friendship is non-transferable. Even if I had wanted to fulfil her desires, there was nothing I could do to restore their best-friendship.
In today's scenario, I'm playing the opposite role, but the same attitude should apply. Friendships develop and change - it's quite inevitable.
If the developments bother me, I should be striving to improve the situation myself. Am I not spending enough time with my friends? Maybe I'm not paying enough attention to what they're up to. Or perhaps we've each moved on to a different stage of our respective lives. Whatever it may be, no one else should have to give way for me to "retain my position".
Does this mentality apply to romantic relationships? Perhaps that's a thought for another day.
Inertia
My sense of inertia is very strong. I don't mean to comment about my physical mass. I simply mean that I am quite opposed to change. I seem to prefer to stick with the status quo, no matter what the alternative may be.
Perhaps it comes down to being extremely risk averse. I'm afraid of uncertainty - it feels so insecure.
The feeling of regret is also one I strive to avoid. You may ask, wouldn't you regret it if you didn't take the chance to try something new? Well, I can never be sure of what that would've been like. I'm more likely to regret and act than an omission.
The problem with this attitude is that I don't get anywhere. Quite obviously, improvement springs from change. If I continue to bide as I am now, I may not get worse off, but neither will I be better off.
Perhaps it would be advisable to start making careful changes, to take calculated risk. But it's so easy to just stand idle - to just watch life march past you, rather than walk it yourself.
Some things are just easier said than done.
Perhaps it comes down to being extremely risk averse. I'm afraid of uncertainty - it feels so insecure.
The feeling of regret is also one I strive to avoid. You may ask, wouldn't you regret it if you didn't take the chance to try something new? Well, I can never be sure of what that would've been like. I'm more likely to regret and act than an omission.
The problem with this attitude is that I don't get anywhere. Quite obviously, improvement springs from change. If I continue to bide as I am now, I may not get worse off, but neither will I be better off.
Perhaps it would be advisable to start making careful changes, to take calculated risk. But it's so easy to just stand idle - to just watch life march past you, rather than walk it yourself.
Some things are just easier said than done.
Unintentional imitation
Dayo's 麥提爽 in <<絕代商驕>> wore this exact same outfit practically the whole way through.
A few days ago, I seem to have found the female version of that in my wardrobe.
I never thought there'd be a day I would go out dressed up as a TV character.
A few days ago, I seem to have found the female version of that in my wardrobe.
I never thought there'd be a day I would go out dressed up as a TV character.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Santa Cullen
The product of a boring stats lecture:
They say necessity is the mother of invention. Here is an example of creativity springing from mistake.
In the previous times I've connected the dots (no, this wasn't my first bored lecture), I've never thought to deface the picture. By accidentally joining 46 with 47, though, I had no choice but to add a personal touch to salvage the piece of art.
One thing led to another, until the fully-developed figure was shown to one Jem, who affectionately dubbed him "Santa Cullen".
They say necessity is the mother of invention. Here is an example of creativity springing from mistake.
In the previous times I've connected the dots (no, this wasn't my first bored lecture), I've never thought to deface the picture. By accidentally joining 46 with 47, though, I had no choice but to add a personal touch to salvage the piece of art.
One thing led to another, until the fully-developed figure was shown to one Jem, who affectionately dubbed him "Santa Cullen".
Friday, September 18, 2009
The resilience of love
At lunch today, I gave my latte the usual swirl with the spoon, mercilessly destroying any pattern on the foam, before sipping away.
I was halfway through drinking when I noticed that the heart shape was still visible on the surface of the foam!
I continued drinking, though by this stage I admit I was actively trying to preserve the heart.
And preserve it I did, even after all the liquid had disappeared down my belly.
A sign of the resilience of love, perhaps?
I was halfway through drinking when I noticed that the heart shape was still visible on the surface of the foam!
I continued drinking, though by this stage I admit I was actively trying to preserve the heart.
And preserve it I did, even after all the liquid had disappeared down my belly.
A sign of the resilience of love, perhaps?
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Horsies!
I was walking out of Merewether when I saw two horsies trotting along Butlin Ave!
I ran up towards them to take a photo. Luckily, they stopped at the lights, or else I wouldn't have been able to catch up.
Not the best quality photos, I know. But I felt kinda weird taking a picture like a tourist on uni grounds.
Later, on the City Rd Footbridge, I caught sight of the two horsies' butts swaying off into the thickets of Victoria Park.
A nice touch to the busy city streets, they were.
I ran up towards them to take a photo. Luckily, they stopped at the lights, or else I wouldn't have been able to catch up.
Not the best quality photos, I know. But I felt kinda weird taking a picture like a tourist on uni grounds.
Later, on the City Rd Footbridge, I caught sight of the two horsies' butts swaying off into the thickets of Victoria Park.
A nice touch to the busy city streets, they were.
Objective v Subjective [2009] 1 TPS 1
Judgments in criminal law have a load of principles and reasoning behind them. However, there are some which really leave you to question the adequacy of our legal system.
An overriding issue in class discussion seems to be whether the law uses an objective or subjective test to determine whether an accused is criminally liable.
A recent addition to my knowledge of criminal law is that, to establish manslaughter by criminal negligence, the accused's intellectual capacity is not taken into account when establishing breach of duty of care. The standard is of a person of normal fortitude.
This principle was at play in Stone and Dobinson [1977] QB 354. Stone and Dobinson, both men of below average intelligence, lived with Stone's grown-up sister Fanny and provided her with food. Unfortunately, Fanny appeared to have an eating disorder, but neither men had the aptitude to respond appropriately. Fanny died from the disorder, and the men were held liable for manslaughter.
The fact that the men did not have the intellectual capacity to act as required was irrelevant, because the objective test was to be applied for this offence.
But why? What is the justification of convicting Stone and Dobinson? This isn't civil law, where some sort of compensation is sought for another party. Criminal law operates to punish those who have committed culpable wrongs, or to deter recurrence of the unlawful act. This conviction does neither.
Surely there can be a mechanism by which this issue can be overcome.
An overriding issue in class discussion seems to be whether the law uses an objective or subjective test to determine whether an accused is criminally liable.
A recent addition to my knowledge of criminal law is that, to establish manslaughter by criminal negligence, the accused's intellectual capacity is not taken into account when establishing breach of duty of care. The standard is of a person of normal fortitude.
This principle was at play in Stone and Dobinson [1977] QB 354. Stone and Dobinson, both men of below average intelligence, lived with Stone's grown-up sister Fanny and provided her with food. Unfortunately, Fanny appeared to have an eating disorder, but neither men had the aptitude to respond appropriately. Fanny died from the disorder, and the men were held liable for manslaughter.
The fact that the men did not have the intellectual capacity to act as required was irrelevant, because the objective test was to be applied for this offence.
But why? What is the justification of convicting Stone and Dobinson? This isn't civil law, where some sort of compensation is sought for another party. Criminal law operates to punish those who have committed culpable wrongs, or to deter recurrence of the unlawful act. This conviction does neither.
Surely there can be a mechanism by which this issue can be overcome.
Monday, September 14, 2009
To love or be loved?
This question often pops up: in dramas, in personality tests, in my mind. Would it be better to be with someone you love? Or one who loves you?
The optimal, of course, would be that both parties rate similarly on each other's love-o-meter. But you can't always have the best of both worlds. What if you had to choose one?
To just have him love you wouldn't be too bad. He'd dote on you and make you the centre of attention. Chances are, you'll get your way most of the time.
On the other hand, if you were with the one you loved, you can be satisfied that you're with whom you deem to be the best. Perhaps just being with him is worth the lack of affection.
Faced with the two, I'd probably choose the one who loved me. However, I'd spend so much time thinking about the one I loved, that I probably wouldn't be able to enjoy the attention and devotion anyway.
All in all, it wouldn't be unreasonable to conclude that if the feelings are going down a one-way street, then there shouldn't be a relationship in the first place.
Perhaps, in this context, there's no room for a grab-what-you've-got-till-you-can-find-something-better attitude.
The optimal, of course, would be that both parties rate similarly on each other's love-o-meter. But you can't always have the best of both worlds. What if you had to choose one?
To just have him love you wouldn't be too bad. He'd dote on you and make you the centre of attention. Chances are, you'll get your way most of the time.
On the other hand, if you were with the one you loved, you can be satisfied that you're with whom you deem to be the best. Perhaps just being with him is worth the lack of affection.
Faced with the two, I'd probably choose the one who loved me. However, I'd spend so much time thinking about the one I loved, that I probably wouldn't be able to enjoy the attention and devotion anyway.
All in all, it wouldn't be unreasonable to conclude that if the feelings are going down a one-way street, then there shouldn't be a relationship in the first place.
Perhaps, in this context, there's no room for a grab-what-you've-got-till-you-can-find-something-better attitude.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Nature's art
Mum is a fan of gardening, and is quite gifted at this art. This is one of her works which she has decided to showcase indoors.
Yes, please conveniently overlook the slightly browned edges of some leaves.
Anyway, that's not the point.
I was amazed when I looked closely at the leaves, in particular, its blend of colours. A strip of light green runs through the centre, as though someone had taken a paintbrush and nonchalantly given it a sweep.
You can measure how successful a fake is by how closely it resembles the real thing. Yet an indication of a real object's perfection is how synthetic it actually looks.
Ironic, but beautifully so.
Yes, please conveniently overlook the slightly browned edges of some leaves.
Anyway, that's not the point.
I was amazed when I looked closely at the leaves, in particular, its blend of colours. A strip of light green runs through the centre, as though someone had taken a paintbrush and nonchalantly given it a sweep.
You can measure how successful a fake is by how closely it resembles the real thing. Yet an indication of a real object's perfection is how synthetic it actually looks.
Ironic, but beautifully so.
To be appreciated
I often hear about surveys conducted on employees, asking how important each type of 'reward' is. Things like bonuses, pay rise, promotion of course spring to mind. So what do I deem as most important?
Lately, I've realised that I would rank 'appreciation/recognition, especially from superiors' as the most important factor. All I really want is to know that I'm appreciated for what I do.
Take my current job at the mortgage firm. As an admin assistant, all I really need is to know is that my boss recognises the help I am to her. There was a period where she kept telling me that she preferred me over her other assistants, and that made me look forward to work so much. Heck, I think I would've happily worked for free!
And as for tutoring, I can be so motivated to prepare for lessons if the students were keen. If they weren't, I can hardly be bothered.
I think it comes with my personality. What I value is simply knowing that I matter to those around me. That I make a difference. That I am good at what I do.
Those conclusions led me to think about my career aspirations. It helped me work out why certain positions appealed, and why others made me cringe.
I can perhaps safely say that I wouldn't enjoy being the boss of my own business. I've always known that. Perhaps it's because there is no higher order to commend you for any achievements. Perhaps I'm just not satisfied with self-satisfaction.
I also think, being a lawyer would be pretty damn cool. But I don't look forward to that, because I have no confidence that I will excel in it. So I'd rather be the creme de la creme of some less demanding roles. That way I'll stand out. That way I'll shine.
Maybe that's not the right attitude. Maybe that's not the way to go. But for now, it seems to be what I want.
Lately, I've realised that I would rank 'appreciation/recognition, especially from superiors' as the most important factor. All I really want is to know that I'm appreciated for what I do.
Take my current job at the mortgage firm. As an admin assistant, all I really need is to know is that my boss recognises the help I am to her. There was a period where she kept telling me that she preferred me over her other assistants, and that made me look forward to work so much. Heck, I think I would've happily worked for free!
And as for tutoring, I can be so motivated to prepare for lessons if the students were keen. If they weren't, I can hardly be bothered.
I think it comes with my personality. What I value is simply knowing that I matter to those around me. That I make a difference. That I am good at what I do.
Those conclusions led me to think about my career aspirations. It helped me work out why certain positions appealed, and why others made me cringe.
I can perhaps safely say that I wouldn't enjoy being the boss of my own business. I've always known that. Perhaps it's because there is no higher order to commend you for any achievements. Perhaps I'm just not satisfied with self-satisfaction.
I also think, being a lawyer would be pretty damn cool. But I don't look forward to that, because I have no confidence that I will excel in it. So I'd rather be the creme de la creme of some less demanding roles. That way I'll stand out. That way I'll shine.
Maybe that's not the right attitude. Maybe that's not the way to go. But for now, it seems to be what I want.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Plans for the summer
Road trip between Adelaide and Melbourne!
Things to do:
- enjoy the breeze along Great Ocean Road
- glimpse the Twelve Apostles while they're stil there
- catch a bit of action at the Rod Laver Arena
- place a bet at the Crown
- shopping!
Perhaps if we're not tight on time we could follow suggested itineraries.
Fun fun!
Things to do:
- enjoy the breeze along Great Ocean Road
- glimpse the Twelve Apostles while they're stil there
- catch a bit of action at the Rod Laver Arena
- place a bet at the Crown
- shopping!
Perhaps if we're not tight on time we could follow suggested itineraries.
Fun fun!
Monday, September 7, 2009
Sunday, September 6, 2009
The miracle of life
This bamboo has been with us for quite a few years, and lately it seems to be slightly struggling. The rightmost yellow stalk is actually hollowed out. All that remains is the tough fibrous exterior.
But if you look closely, there is a green shoot coming out from the tip of that very stalk. Against all odds, it strives to live on.
Life is truly a gift.
But if you look closely, there is a green shoot coming out from the tip of that very stalk. Against all odds, it strives to live on.
Life is truly a gift.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
In the eye of the beholder
Perhaps I have weird taste. I've often been told that the guys I deem good-looking aren't actually all that crash hot.
It seems, though, that my unique standards apply to judging girls too. There are many whom the male population seems to fawn over, yet I find them to be nothing special. Like, I don't find them ugly, but not worthy going all gaga over.
So I suppose I can take that as solace that I'm batting for the right team, but what about comparing my tastes to other girls?
Let's take an example. Loretta Chow, second runner up to Miss HK pageant 2007.
When I first caught sight of her picture (I do believe it was this exact one), I thought she was the epitome of beauty. The absolute definition. If I were to get plastic surgery the next day, I would give the surgeon this photo.
She did get 3rd place in the pageant, so my views aren't entirely unjustified. But those who I have showed the photo were quite ready to dismiss her looks, as "nothing special".
So am I weird?
It seems, though, that my unique standards apply to judging girls too. There are many whom the male population seems to fawn over, yet I find them to be nothing special. Like, I don't find them ugly, but not worthy going all gaga over.
So I suppose I can take that as solace that I'm batting for the right team, but what about comparing my tastes to other girls?
Let's take an example. Loretta Chow, second runner up to Miss HK pageant 2007.
When I first caught sight of her picture (I do believe it was this exact one), I thought she was the epitome of beauty. The absolute definition. If I were to get plastic surgery the next day, I would give the surgeon this photo.
She did get 3rd place in the pageant, so my views aren't entirely unjustified. But those who I have showed the photo were quite ready to dismiss her looks, as "nothing special".
So am I weird?
xkcd.com
I admit I'm addicted. I just can't stop myself from clicking that "Random" button.
But now I've realised a problem with my addiction (aside from time-wasting). If I see two really good comics in one "Random"-button-clicking-spiel, I can't post both here, because two consecutive comics would look retarded. Sort of.
So yes, must space out "Random"-button-clicking.
But now I've realised a problem with my addiction (aside from time-wasting). If I see two really good comics in one "Random"-button-clicking-spiel, I can't post both here, because two consecutive comics would look retarded. Sort of.
So yes, must space out "Random"-button-clicking.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Dramaroll: "Off Pedder" ep 220-222
Finally, the love-triangle between 殷賞, 大哥 and 余家昇 has been looked at squarely in the face. Despite the anticlimactic wrap-up, it was nice to see the tensions come to light.
It's interesting how the most intriguing characters are these three middle-aged veterans. The younger characters, for which I am presumably the target market, are never as captivating to watch.
TVB is running a competition for the most creative ending to 賞賞's romance story. Pity only HK citizens can enter. Then again, it's not like I have the time or the Chinese writing skills to pull together a viable entry.
I think I'll just read (and rate) the entries instead.
And who do I want to get the girl? 余家昇 without a doubt. 大哥's devotion is touching, but 余家昇 is definitely the guy with more character. His chemistry with 賞賞 oozes off the screen, and it's clear that 賞賞 feels for him.
I can't see how TVB can justify pairing up 賞賞 and 大哥, so it seems 賞賞x余家昇 are safely in the bag. Unless, of course, TVB gives the victory to a random guy who has popped out of the blue, in the name of "preserving friendship". That would be a horrid trick to pull.
It's interesting how the most intriguing characters are these three middle-aged veterans. The younger characters, for which I am presumably the target market, are never as captivating to watch.
TVB is running a competition for the most creative ending to 賞賞's romance story. Pity only HK citizens can enter. Then again, it's not like I have the time or the Chinese writing skills to pull together a viable entry.
I think I'll just read (and rate) the entries instead.
And who do I want to get the girl? 余家昇 without a doubt. 大哥's devotion is touching, but 余家昇 is definitely the guy with more character. His chemistry with 賞賞 oozes off the screen, and it's clear that 賞賞 feels for him.
I can't see how TVB can justify pairing up 賞賞 and 大哥, so it seems 賞賞x余家昇 are safely in the bag. Unless, of course, TVB gives the victory to a random guy who has popped out of the blue, in the name of "preserving friendship". That would be a horrid trick to pull.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Healing
Not long ago, I had accidentally cut my finger. It bled, and it hurt. Every little movement was marked with pain. Every touch tugged at somewhere deep inside.
I tried to put a band-aid over it, so as to avoid contact. But it turned out to be an inconvenience. And it didn't let the wound heal.
Soon I took the courage to remove the band-aid, to let it brave the pain.
Now, it is healing. New skin is gradually taking over the scab, and the hints of the hurt began to fall away.
Will it scar? I'm not sure. But even if it does, it'll hopefully serve as a helpful reminder for next time. A reminder to be more careful, to do things a different way.
I tried to put a band-aid over it, so as to avoid contact. But it turned out to be an inconvenience. And it didn't let the wound heal.
Soon I took the courage to remove the band-aid, to let it brave the pain.
Now, it is healing. New skin is gradually taking over the scab, and the hints of the hurt began to fall away.
Will it scar? I'm not sure. But even if it does, it'll hopefully serve as a helpful reminder for next time. A reminder to be more careful, to do things a different way.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Six months
Six months is...
13 fortnights
26 weeks
184 days
4,416 hours
264,960 minutes
15,897,600 seconds
Wow! That's a long time.
13 fortnights
26 weeks
184 days
4,416 hours
264,960 minutes
15,897,600 seconds
Wow! That's a long time.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Friends
What would one do without them?
They seem to miraculously know when you need some support, and appear out of the blue to try and cheer you up.
It might not be intentional, but they're always good at making me feel warm and fuzzy inside.
They seem to miraculously know when you need some support, and appear out of the blue to try and cheer you up.
It might not be intentional, but they're always good at making me feel warm and fuzzy inside.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
A return trip to the past
Yesterday, I had a strong urge to revisit the past. Fortunately, should this be a criminal act, what I did probably would not have yet constituted attempt.
I did, however, go all the way in retelling the past. For the last time, so I vow to myself.
The past should be left where it belongs - in the past. Look ahead!
I did, however, go all the way in retelling the past. For the last time, so I vow to myself.
The past should be left where it belongs - in the past. Look ahead!
Destructive procrastination
I've resorted to making scars on my face rather than to start uni work.
Help.
Help.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
To like and to love
"Like can turn to love but seldom love to like."
-- P. K. Shaw
If this were true, is it not inevitable that we all have more than one love?
-- P. K. Shaw
If this were true, is it not inevitable that we all have more than one love?
A question of etiquette?
If a construction worker, loitering with his mates, says in a half-seedy manner, "Oh hello, beautiful!", what's the appropriate response?
Smile politely? Or give him a dirty?
Smile politely? Or give him a dirty?
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Dreams
How much are dreams a reflection of reality?
Do they indicate the thoughts and feelings of the conscious self? Or are they merely creative fabrications of the unconscious mind, triggered, thus related, to experiences whilst awake?
Were I to be unsure of my own thoughts and feelings, could I use my dreams as a reliable guide?
Despite all these questions, one thing is for sure. Those scrumptuous fries I tasted last night - Maccas doesn't really sell them in real life!
Do they indicate the thoughts and feelings of the conscious self? Or are they merely creative fabrications of the unconscious mind, triggered, thus related, to experiences whilst awake?
Were I to be unsure of my own thoughts and feelings, could I use my dreams as a reliable guide?
Despite all these questions, one thing is for sure. Those scrumptuous fries I tasted last night - Maccas doesn't really sell them in real life!
Yet another jab
From "Bondi: Sydney's tart" All Men are Liars (27 Aug 2009):
---
---
Actor Anthony LaPaglia joined the jeering a few weeks back when he labelled Bondi as "skanky", saying the beach "was starting to feel a bit like Kings Cross by the sea".
Having lived in both suburbs , I don't know which set of residents should be more offended but seeing as LaPaglia hails from Adelaide and considers part-ownership of Sydney FC a sound investment, I won't worry too much about the quality of his judgment.
---
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
A sudden craving
I was at my computer when I suddenly felt a craving for orange juice with honey. So I got to work.
The cup has honey in it, so all I had to do was to squeeze the juice out!
20 minutes later, voila!
OK so maybe it was a waste of time, and a big mess. But it was fun!
And mmm~ It's delicious!
The cup has honey in it, so all I had to do was to squeeze the juice out!
20 minutes later, voila!
OK so maybe it was a waste of time, and a big mess. But it was fun!
And mmm~ It's delicious!
Failure to focus (what's new?)
How did I fool myself in thinking that I would be working productively during this 2-hour break?
I'm at the Merewether computer labs to "work on law assignment". Distractions can neatly fall under the heading of easy internet access: fb, email, fb, blogger, fb, guy-next-to-me's-fb..
In my defence I have jotted down a few ideas re conspiracy and whatnot.
Wait I lie. Easy internet access isn't the only thing I can blame. Guy-next-to-me's-deliciously-smelling-peanut-butter-ricecake-sandwichy-thing is having quite an effect on my olfactory system. It's also triggered my stomach to remind me of its existence.
I'm at the Merewether computer labs to "work on law assignment". Distractions can neatly fall under the heading of easy internet access: fb, email, fb, blogger, fb, guy-next-to-me's-fb..
In my defence I have jotted down a few ideas re conspiracy and whatnot.
Wait I lie. Easy internet access isn't the only thing I can blame. Guy-next-to-me's-deliciously-smelling-peanut-butter-ricecake-sandwichy-thing is having quite an effect on my olfactory system. It's also triggered my stomach to remind me of its existence.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Introducing...
Andrewbear!
I seem have become a lot more reliant on Andrewbear these days. I've decided to give him a rest and tuck him in with my school jumper.
I still stand by my argument that he bears an uncanny resemblance to his namesake!
I seem have become a lot more reliant on Andrewbear these days. I've decided to give him a rest and tuck him in with my school jumper.
I still stand by my argument that he bears an uncanny resemblance to his namesake!
The origins
I've decided to integrate my new-found addiction to pumpkin seeds with my newly-revived interest in blogging.
Pumpkin seeds, milk and Mark Findlay's Criminal Law: Problems in Context. What a Sunday!
Pumpkin seeds, milk and Mark Findlay's Criminal Law: Problems in Context. What a Sunday!
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