To be different

謝安琪 <節外生枝>

Perhaps it's because I strive to be different that this song once greatly appealed.

捨平凡  愛動盪  人人其實有個願望
~ 知回頭  會是岸  仍昂然投入去這巨浪 ~
我所愛  我不改  千夫所責也不放
不愛看的不要看  也許我已厭了直航

既沒有網 在四方  就恨沒勇氣闖闖
~ 我這半世  未算趕  何妨迷路看風光 ~

~ I know the shore is just behind me, but I still dive into the huge waves ~
~ My life is not a rush -- why not lose my way and enjoy the view ~

---

Yet, when one grows up, attitudes change. Things happen that forces one to reflect on the past and re-assess whether the path which lays ahead is in fact desired.

A quote has caught my attention as of late.

'Do not choose to be wrong for the sake of being different'
-- Lord Samuel

I'm not sure who this Lord Samuel guy is/was, but he was onto something.

Selective memory

I used to be proud of my inability to hold onto bad memories. I considered myself to be so lucky for being able to think back to a person, an incident or a relationship, and only remember the good in them. After all, it's better than being forever tortured by painful memories, right?

I never thought that one day I would hate myself for that. I never envisaged a day where everything would be easier, if I had only stored the frowns instead of the smiles. I never expected to be searching desperately for the sad memories, but in vain.

I guess you just can't half everything in life.

Through Blair

[WARNING: Here be spoilers!]

Gossip Girl Season III Episode 19

After 17 episodes of being the sweetest couple of the season, Chuck and Blair were too good to last. Breaking up became inevitable, and Blair was determined to leave the past behind her.

Despite Dorota's observation that "Miss Blair not yet grieve properly", Blair invited "a dozen of Manhattan's most eligible bachelors" to brunch, so "world can know Miss Blair single again and Chuck Bass thing of past". She also asked Dorota to toss out the "box of junk", containing the memories of her relationship with Chuck.

Unfortunately, none of the bachelors turned up. Blair assumed that Chuck had put a dating fatwa on her, but soon found out that no one on the Upper East Side thought they could measure up to what Chuck and Blair had. Blair then turned to a party in Brooklyn to find an unknowing guy to kiss. The idea was to get the photo splashed across Gossip Girl to break Chuck's fatwa.

And Chuck followed her. Blair did find a "sacrificial lamb", a Cameron from Columbia, and he was more than willing to help make Chuck jealous. But at the last minute, she decided not to go through with it.

'I suddenly realised that, the way to get over you wasn't by hooking up with some random guy, or pretending like we didn't happen. You and I loved each other, and then you broke my heart. I've been doing everything possible not to face that fact. I'm gonna kiss somebody someday. And when I do, it'll be for me. Goodbye Chuck.'

And when Dorota went to throw away the box of junk, she took it back.

'It's no use to deny the past. Chuck is a part of me. He'll always be. It just hurts so much.'

Then, one by one, she took out the items, bringing back their memories from the past.